Yesterday, I woke up and dragged my sorry backside to the gym. Wizard had gone to the gym the night before and I felt guilty.

I hate feeling guilty. Even worse, I made chocolate chip cookies this week so I feel guilty and fat.

At least this time, I remembered to take my iPod.

Only my iPod doesn’t look like this picture   Bummer.

So while I was on the treadmill, listening to my music I started wondering if the people next to me could actually HEAR the music.  I have some EMBARRASSING songs on my iPod.

Some examples:

THE LION SLEEPS TONIGHT

I JUST CAN’T HELP BELIEVING  (Elvis Presley)

ALWAYS ON MY MIND (Elvis Presley)

I DREAMED A DREAM (Susan Boyle)

I swear, I have good songs too! Tons of them!

Now there’s the one song I’ve seriously flirted with downloading, but it’s Just Too Embarrassing.

Ready?

MONSTER MASH

Okay your turn–what’s your embarrassing songs?

Nominated by Erika and Dawn…

Taylor Kitsch

What do you think…Wing Slayer Worthy?

In honor of the fact that Wizard and I joined a gym after a year long hiatus and the fact that I’m snowed under with work, I’m posting this joke  (I posted it before on another blog).

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my daughter purchased a week of personal
training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great
shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I
decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I
called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named
Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model
for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my
enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to
chart my progress.

MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was
well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for
me. She is something of a Greek goddess – with blond hair, dancing eyes
and a dazzling white smile. She’s so much fun! I think I have a new friend. Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching
the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout
today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!

________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then
she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I
made the full mile. Belinda’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT -!! It’s a whole new life for me.

_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.

_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her
thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being a
half an hour late – it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking,I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine — which I sank.
_______________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any triceps! And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

________________________________
SATURDAY:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

________________________________
SUNDAY:
I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun –like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

I pretty much worked all weekend, so nothing exciting to report. Oh wait! There is something…

In my usual bumbling fashion (I blame the appletinis) I managed to sign up to judge the RWA (Romance Writers of America) Golden Heart when I meant to sign up to judge the Rita contest.  That means I’m judging unpublished instead of published.

No big deal.  So I got my entries, and started reading. The first two had the usual slew of problems (I say that as someone who made all the usual  mistakes and invented some of my own).

Sunday morning, I got up early and started the third entry. I knew from the first page this writer has “it.”

Voice, story and polish.  So awesome!

What’s even more amazing, is this isn’t even the type of book I generally like. It’s so exciting to see this! I wish I knew who this writer is, but the rules keep it anonymous. Still I am going to be watching…hoping I come across her someday and can tell her just how bloody impressed I am!

I’m really glad now I inadvertently (stupid appletinis! I bet Linc spiked mine again) signed up to judge the wrong contest!

Otherwise, my weekend was just all work and no play.  Sadly, it’s going to be like this for the next two weeks.  I heard a rumor that Linc is taking bets on how many more stupid mistakes I’ll make between now and then. But I’m sure that’s just a rumor…

How was your weekend?

It’s pouring!

So I thought, hey, I’ll post of pic of me on a sunny California day to cheer us all up.  After Christmas, I met my sister, Biker Witch, for coffee. We sat out on the patio in the bright sunshine.  I showed her the really cool camera that Wizard got me for Christmas.

Biker Witch loves cameras. In her excitement she took a picture of me…

Biker Witch blames ME for this unflattering picture.

But I think it’s the photographer and that she shouldn’t give up her day job.

What do you think?

Note to Biker Witch:  Just kidding!! I’ll buy you a Starbucks if you’ll forgive me! And you know you’re going to forgive me, you always do!

We’re having real weather in Southern CA!!! Rain!

And it’s supposed to rain all week long.

Amazing.

I plan to take full advantage of it and work non stop. I’m half way through my revisions and they are DUE the first week of February. If I’m not around much it’s because I’m either:

Typing frantically.

Begging for inspiration and banging my head on my desk.

or I’m under my desk, drinking appltinis and muttering to myself about stupid Wing Slayer Witch Hunters.

In the meantime, Key’s book is flashing in my head in random scenes…like I’m suppose to make sense out of that? Never mind that Ram just keeps showing me this one scene over and over.

Linc’s being suspiciously quiet…and that’s always a bad sign.

I need more appletinis! How about you?

Guess what I did this weekend!

I went to visit Bailey! Bailey lives with my two sons.  Middle son was at work, so I went to see my oldest son.

On my way I stopped at Target because I wanted to buy Bailey a new toy.

Target only had stupid toys. So I then went to Petsmart where I found not one but three new toys for Bailey.

I didn’t buy anything for my two sons I know, that’s just wrong.

Oldest son and I went to lunch, we ate out on patio and talked.  Those are the moments that make every second of the years filled with trials and worries and sleepless anxiety of raising kids.

I just started a new book, THE MANE EVENT  by Shelly Laurenston.  I’m only 60-some pages in, but OMG!!! Love, love, love her writing! She’s so dang funny! Good thing I’m not prone to jealousy…oh wait, I totally am.

So how was your weekend?