Jennifer Lyon
Friday, June 19th, 2009
Anger Management Quirks?

witch-anger-joke

Okay, it’s Friday, it’s time to let off steam! Right? What is your Anger Management Class Button?

I’ll go first. This one is a total personal quirk. There’s a reporter on a local news station who I call Comma Guy. Actually he should be named Run On Sentence Guy. But still he talks in Commas, doing this weird pause, then going on  and I just can’t get past it. I’m not kidding. He’ll report on a story like this: (I’m making up the story but not the way he talks, I swear!)

“The woman, who never realized how lucky she was go have an artificial leg, when confronted with the the cougar, managed, by a dint of surprising bravery, to fight the cougar, with her artificial leg, and knock the cat senseless, and, while doing that, preserve the environment by not using the pepper spray, which her son had given her on Mother’s Day…”

And just when you think the sentence is over–

“…the son, who gave his mother the pepper spray, was also with his mother but, because he accidentally cut his finger, had to run to the car for a bandage, and when he got back…”

And by now,  I’m yelling at the TV. The reporter makes me insane. My husband too. The poor reporter has been on the news for years, and others probably love his down home style. Me? I turn the channel before I track down this reporter and yell at him about the proper use of commas. And lecture him about run on sentences! Then I’ll be arrested and sent to anger management!

So you guys have any weird quirks like that could get you sent to anger management or is it just me?

Thursday, June 18th, 2009
Brain Dead Witch

cute-witch-cat-on-broomI don’t even know how many pages I wrote yesterday, but I ended up frying my brain, unable to come up with a blog.

So I’m doing Stupid Witch Jokes instead.

Q: Why do witches wear name tags?
A: So, they would know which witch is which!

Q: How do witches tell time?
A: With a witch watch.

Q: What do you call two witches living together?
A: Broom-mates.

Q: What does a witch ask for when she is in a hotel?
A: Broom service.

Q: What did one witch say to other when she asked for a lift?
A: “There’s always broom for one more.”

Q: When do witches cook their victims?
A: On Fry Day.

Q: What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A: A sand-witch.

If you feel like it–vote for your fave witch joke!

Tuesday, June 16th, 2009
The Wedding Invitation

A friend sent this to be yesterday. Don’t judge me because I think it’s funny…

The Wedding Invitation:

 wedding-image001

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 The Reason for the Invitation:

wedding-image002

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 And yes, my Funny Bone is stuck at thirteen years old, why do you ask?

Monday, June 15th, 2009
Wine, Witches and Vamps…

vampire-wine-bottleDid you know there are Vampire Wines?

I didn’t know that. How did I live this long without finding out? Do you want ot know how I found out? Do you suppose I was down in a cellar with a really hot vampire who was overcome with lust for me?

Nope! But I do have this friend, Laura Wright, who just sold an awesome vampire series to NAL. Remember this name–Laura Wright–she’s going to be the Next Big Thing in paranormal! And we’ll have her here on the blog when her first vampire book comes out witches-falls-2005_granitebelt_pinotnoir1(Laura has written several Silhouette Desires).

So anyone, we were celebrating her sale this weekend and I thought I’d get her something. So I asked a wine master of the store I was at,  and she said  that there actually Vampire Wines.

I was so excited! Then I found out that the store I was at was out of the Vampire Wine. Bummer. I got her another bottle of wine named EVIL.  But dang, that’ll teach me to wait until the last minute!

I just did a quick Google and found Witches Falls Winery  but the label is a little sedate, don’t you think? It’s not really celebrating witches in all their magical glory. Anyway…

Am I the only one who didn’t know vampires and witches are out there fermenting grapes? And which wine would you pick, judging on the label?  Oh, and how was your weekend?

And P.S. to Margaret:  I bought a Jim Butcher book this weekend! Finally!

Thursday, June 11th, 2009
Just For Fun…

Hey witches! So here’s a question, what do you all think of anthologies? Do you like reading collections of shorter stories by different authors in one book?

Just for fun, I’m putting here a random unedited scene for my novella  in the anthology SUN, SAND, SEX. This was one of my favorite scenes to write–it just amused me. I did have to edit one word in there because that word attracts Internet Trolls. Read it if you like or skip it–whatever makes you happy today!

coversunsandsexExcerpt from YOU GIVE LOVE A GOOD NAME

Copyright Jennifer Apodaca

Nick took a step toward her before his brain kicked in. It was the damned pink panties. When she’d opened the door and he’d seen her wearing a thin pink tank top, she’d taken his breath away.
Then he’d seen the panties and his blood went south. He’d hardened so fast it was a wonder he didn’t get dizzy.
Clenching his fists, he knew his hard on strained against his pants. “Lexie-”
She stepped up to him and put her hand on his chest. “I’m tired of being cautious and worrying about tomorrow. I want to try impulsive.”
He caught her hand and inhaled. Damn, she smelled like that flower, night jasmine or whatever, mixed with warm skin. His whole body throbbed with hard core lust. They were both on adrenaline overload. He could control this, he would control it. “No. No sex.” He barely got the words out.
Her body deflated, and her hand slid from his grasp. “Okay. Thanks again, Nick. I’ll call you in I’m in trouble, but not for sex. Good night.” She reached for the door.
She was making him crazy, infuriating him. He wanted her naked and under him, looking up with unfocused eyes while he drove himself into her. He wanted her breath to hitch and pant as she lost control, her body shivering and spasming with pleasure while he watched.
Then she had the nerve to pull open her door, put a hand on her hip and stare at him expectantly.
He had to shock them both back to reality. “If anyone walks by, they are going to see you in your panties.”
She looked down. The expression on her face was priceless, total shock.
Nick reached over, closed the door and locked it. Then he turned to see Lexie walking quickly to her dresser. Away from him. Her tight ass covered by the sheer pink panties twitching in her rush. He was going to burst into flames. Before he realized it, he was moving. He scooped her up in his arms.
“Nick! What are you doing!”
“Putting you in your bed and covering you up before I do something stupid.” He all but dropped her on the bed and wrenched the covers up over her.
She sat up, leaning back against the pillows. “I’m not going to attack you!”
He stared down at her.
Her gaze moved to his crotch. Then her gaze slid up. “Oh.”
“I don’t get emotionally or sexually involved with my work. Ever.” He’d learned that the hard way, and he never forgot the lesson.
She blinked, her mouth tightening as she seemed to battle with herself, then she lowered her gaze back to his crotch. She jerked her head looking everywhere but at him. “Okay. Got it. You should leave now.”
Nick leaned down, putting a hand on either side of her hips so he was nose to nose with her. “I’m not leaving you alone so another lunatic can break in here. I’m staying. And if you don’t stop talking, or wiggling that prime ass of yours in front of me, I’m going to strip you down to your skin and f**k you until you are screaming my name in pleasure, over and over. And then when I regain my senses and realize that I screwed up, I will be forced to take you back to Santa Barbara immediately and insist that you be locked up in a cell where you’re safe until we find your stalker. Your choice.”
“I’ll stop talking.”

Tuesday, June 9th, 2009
My Wizard

wizard-flamesMy DSL went down yesterday and I couldn’t get it back.  Nothing I did worked…I tried spells, threats, begging, I offered the Internet Gods cauldrons of Appletinis…nada.

Then my husband came home. He spent, oh, ten minutes fiddling with it. And like magic…the DSL started working.

We don’t even know what he did…now that’s some powerful magic!

Hopefully the Internet and DSL will play nice.

And now, to totally change the subject, is anyone else tired of John and Kate Plus Eight? I’d never even heard of this show until the Big News that they might be cheating on each other.

Seriously, do we care?

Monday, June 8th, 2009
Blood Magic Sighting!

Erika found BLOOD MAGIC in Borders under the sign “great reads.”

0605091234

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for the picture Erika! She’s also been promoting SOUL MAGIC on her blog, very cool!

My weekend was fine, I mostly am working now and it’s slow going, but getting better.  How was your weekend?

JenniferLyon.com