Normally I’m not paranoid, but lately,  this picture keeps popping up in my inbox…

And I’m starting to think this dog is after my job.  This dog thinks he can write better books than me! This stress got to me and I sent this picture back to the upstart pooch…

Now I’m getting court ordered treatment for anger management. Meet my therapist…

Just another day in my life…

Happy Friday!

It’s time to choose the  winner of the autographed copy of BLOOD MAGIC from yesterday’s comments.

And the winner is...LYNN!

Congratulations Lynn!   Please email me at Jenniferlyonbooks@gmail.com with your mailing address.

Changing the subject here,  lets see what’s in Jen Lyon’s Mailbag…

Dear Jen Lyon,

I’ve seen your blog with the Wing Slayer Worthy section. I would like to apply for the position. I see that you like tattoos, well have I got a tattoo for you! See the enclosed picture.

So what do you think? Am I Wing Slayer Worthy?

Sincerely,

Pistol Pete

I was laughing too hard to reply…so I thought maybe you all could vote. What do you think? Wing Slayer Worthy?

Someone thought it would be a good idea to let that cranky witch, Jen Lyon, answer letters again.  Sigh…

Letter Number One

Dear Lyon,

 Where do you keep all those men whose pictures you post on the blog? Just curious!

 Sincerely,

Inquiring Libido

Dear Inquiring Libido,

 I have my eye on you! I know what you’re after, but better witches than you have tried to steal my men! Okay, sure, Mel and Silver might have conspired to get me a little tipsy and “borrowed” a couple men while I was sipping an appletini or five, but I got them back…eventually.

 Wait, what was the question?

 Oh, anyway, the men are all kept deep in my Lyon’s Lair where they can’t escape…uh, I mean come to any harm!

 Drat, where is that cowboy with my appletini?

 Roaringly yours,

Jen Lyon

Letter Number Two

 Dear Lyon,

 I have a great idea for a book! I’d be willing to split the millions of dollars we’d make on this idea if you write the book. I know we’d make a great team! Let me know when you want to get started!

 Sincerely,

Lazy A. Dreamer

 Dear Lazy A. Dreamer,

 Thank you so much for your letter. I laughed so hard, I coughed up a hairball. Then I had to brew up a batch of appletinis (shaken, not stirred) just to answer this. So draw up a chair and listen carefully: Unless you are famous or infamous, or you have slept with someone famous or infamous, no one is going to pay you millions in publishing.

Maybe you should catch the next broom stick back to reality. 

Seriously, where is that cowboy with my appletini!

Roaringly yours,

Jen Lyon

 The prize for this week is the peace, hope and serenity bracelet. As usual, I’ll randomly draw a name from this week’s comments and announce the winner on the weekend.

Dear  Ms. Carlisle,

I want your book HOMICIDE IN HARDCOVER and I want it now! I want it even more after seeing your awesome book trailer!

So why don’t I go out and get it? I mean it’s out, it came out on Tuesday. Everyone is getting this book, everyone is talking about this book. This book has BUZZ going! People are talking about Brooklyn Wainwright, the skilled surgeon who operates on…wait for it…books! Not people, books! How cute is that?

But Brooklyn finds her mentor lying in a pool of his own blood, with just enough breath left to give her a cryptic message along with a priceless, and some would say haunted, book. Of course, Brooklyn is accused of murder and theft, and then…

Well I don’t know what happens because I haven’t read the book!

Do you know why? It’s all Jen Apodaca’s fault! I told her I want to read that book now, but Apodaca said, “No. We have to wait until February 14^th when Kate will be signing at our local RWA chapter meeting.” (Notice how she calls you by your first name—like she knows you! She’s a name dropper!)

Being logical and reasonable, I said, “We can buy the book now, read it, and take it to her to sign then!”

“No,” Apodaca said in that stupid stern voice of hers. “We have revisions due in two weeks. We can’t read until we’re done!”

“But—”

“No. If you want to read that book, put down that apple martini and get to work! No HOMICIDE IN HARDCOVER until the revisions are done!”

So Ms. Carlisle, what should I do?

Sincerely,

Jennifer Lyon

Leave a comment with your suggestions and I (not Apodaca!) will draw one name to win an autographed copy of HOMICIDE IN HARDCOVER! That’s right Apodaca I’m buying TWO copies now. TWO. Not one. Next time you won’t make me wait, will you? Never make a Lyon wait, that’s all I’m saying…

Click Here For Contest Info

Jennifer Lyon is the pseudonym for Jennifer Apodaca.  According to Apodaca, Lyon is a cranky cat, addicted to apple martinis and totally lacking in morals and self control.

Lyon appreciates the compliment. And in this section. Lyon will do reviews of books, answer Dear Lyon email, give opinions on things in general, and whatever strikes her cat-fancy.

(Please note, that I realize that I am both these people, Apodaca and Lyon, and referring to myself in third person is twisted.  But all the time spent in the Lyon’s Lair writing about witches and demons takes a toll on a person’s mental health, you know?)

Today,  Lyon is answering e-mail. The first one is brought back by popular demand (originally seen on www.murdershewrites.com) because it’s a new year, and Lyon is hearing disturbing rumblings about–gasp–dieting!

Dear Jen Lyon,

Do you have any diet advice?

Signed: Skinny Wannabe.

Dear SW,
Buy bigger clothes and buy more wine. The more wine you drink, the better you look. Also, I suggest baking cookies, cakes and brownies for all your friends. Get them fat. Then give them wine and they’ll tell you how great you look. Works every time.

Roaringly Yours
Jen Lyon

*     *     *    *

Dear Jen Lyon,

I think my mother-in-law might be a witch. What do I do?

Thank you,

Scared-of-the-Wicked-Witch

Dear Scared,

Grow up! If you’re mother in law is a witch, you had better get out your book of spells and fight magic with magic. The first order of business to off dust off your cauldron and stir up some witches brew (made with liberal amounts of alcohol) and see if that takes the bristles out of the old bat’s broom.

And just cuz I’m feeling generous, I’ll give you another tip. Apple Martinis. Drink them often. Trust me, Apple Martini will make the old witch seem funny not scary.

Roaringly yours,

Jen Lyon

If you have a burning question for Jen Lyon, shoot your question in an email to Jenniferlyonbooks@gmail.com and put Dear Lyon in the subject line. Lyon might answer your question, or she might not.  Just remember this is all in fun, because Lyon loves her snark along with her apple martinis!

Don’t forget–come back this weekend to find out who wins the $20.00 gift card to Barnes and Noble. The winner will be drawn from all this weeks comments. And  find out who is the lucky winner of the book BEDEVILED by Maureen Child! That winner will be drawn from the comments on Maureen’s guest-blog.