Want to know what life with a retired Wizard and a working Witch is like?
Okay I’ve probably said this before, we don’t really fight over big issues. We never have. I know, people find this crazy because we are both very strong willed and opinionated. This is true, and while we both like to be in control, we don’t need to control each other’s actions. We trust one another, and that goes a long way. Plus on the big issues like money and how to raise the kids, we agree.
But Wizard and I can bicker…over things like the shopping cart and chocolate chips.
See, once Wizard retired, he decided he had to “help” me grocery shop. The first day he went with me, he claimed the grocery cart as his domain. I am not allowed to touch the cart. I may put things in it, but once my back is turned, he rearranges things to their proper order.
Well that’s because he’s an accountant and he likes order, right?
Um, no. In my humble opinion, I arrange the cart in a much more organized manner. No, Wizard is doing it so that he can toss in things and I won’t notice. Pudding cups, licorice, mixed nuts suddenly end up on the conveyor belt when we’re checking out. So it’s become a game to see if I can catch him. Mostly I ignore it. He’s amusing himself, and if he wants to buy a treat, who am I to stop him?
It was all good, I honestly don’t care. At least not UNTIL HE MOVED MY CHOCOLATE CHIPS. I found the bag I wanted and put them on the top of the cart by the eggs and other perishable, fragile items.
When I turned my back, he tossed them down on the meat. ON THE MEAT, PEOPLE! My chocolate chips, which must never ever touch icky stuff like meat, have been thrown down on top of …horrors…meat! I risked life and limb by touching the cart and moving them to their proper spot. I glared at him. “Chocolate chips are delicate and go here. Chocolate cannot touch water. Or MEAT!!”
He did that I married a crazy woman look and said very slowly, “They are sealed. It makes no difference.” Then he tossed them onto the frozen foods. FROZEN!!!
Unable to believe this travesty, I grabbed the bag and held it up. “You can’t shock chocolate with sudden temperature changes!” I put them back in their proper spot and in my pissed off mom voice said, “Do it again. I dare you. Move the chocolate.”
Have you all ever seen a shark smile? Because I’m telling you, that’s what Wizard did. Then he said, “Go ahead, Witch, finish shopping. I’m right behind you, pushing the cart.”
I spent the next two aisles, spinning around, trying to catch him moving the chocolate. By the third time I turned, we both burst into laughter that got worse until we finally checked out and escaped.
I didn’t find the pudding cups he’d slipped into the cart until we got home and I was putting away the groceries… My beloved chocolate chips were a red herring the whole time!
The moral of this story is Wizard might have retired from his high stress job, but he’s still crafty as hell. And pretty funny too.
So this weekend, I’m not sure what my plans are yet. What about you?