Jennifer Lyon

Monday, January 26th, 2009
Witchy Jury Duty Excuses

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It’s Week 2 of the Five Week Cyber Launch Party! The prize this week is a candle set with a $15.00 Starbucks gift card. Comment all week long and I’ll draw the winner on the weekend!


Also, on Thursday, January 29th, Eve Silver will be guest blogging, be sure and visit on Thursday for a chance to win an autographed copy of one of Eve’s books! That winner will also be drawn on the weekend.


Now on to Jury Duty. This week, I am on call for Jury Duty. In California, that means I can be called in any day of the week I’m on call. So if I disappear for a day, that’s where I am.


Many, many years ago, my husband got out of jury duty like this:


Question: What is your wife’s occupation?


Husband: “Housewife.”


Judge: “Let the record show that the occupation is Homemaker.”


Husband: (with grin, he was just kidding around) “No, she’s a housewife.”


Judge: “Homemaker.”


Husband: “Housewife.”


Judge looked at him sternly. “You’re excused.”


Okay, this makes him sound like a jerk and he’s not. He has a twisted sense of humor and he thought this was hilarious. Now he teases me that I won’t do this and get myself out of jury duty. So I was thinking, what kind of witchy dialogue might get out of jury duty?


1) “This crystal ball? I need it. How else will I decide if the defendant is guilty or innocent?”




2) “It’s a cauldron. Haven’t you ever seen a cauldron before? I have a spell brewing and can’t leave it untended so I brought it with me. That smell? Burnt dragon’s blood and probably the moose head. But you get used to it. And I’m pretty sure it won’t explode this time.”



3) “How dare you! Salem is not a cat, he’s my familiar!”



4) “Yes, I’ve been a victim of a crime, the wicked witch tried to steal my ruby slippers!”




5) “Yes, I know many police officers. Cops are some of my best clients.” Wink wink “They really like my mojo enhancing spell.”


Okay that’s just a few of my ideas. Do you have any to add to mine? Or what line would you use to get out of jury duty?

27 comments to “Witchy Jury Duty Excuses”

  1. Dru
    January 26th, 2009 at 5:59 am · Link

    “I don’t know your honor, but he looks guilty, don’t you see his aura surrounding his head”.

  2. Silver James
    January 26th, 2009 at 9:13 am · Link

    Interesting you should ask… I used to be a chief bailiff in a district court. The best excuse I ever heard voir dire (the preliminary examination of prospective jurors or witnesses under oath to determine their competence or suitability):

    Q: Do you know anyone involved with the trial?

    A: My best friend is sleeping with the judge.

    Technically, this was true. The woman was married to an attorney and her best friend was the judge’s wife. Needless to say, pandemonium ensued.

    Let’s see if I can figure out a witchy answer (though yours and Dru’s are pretty dang hard to top!) to that question.

    “Yes, your honor. The defense attorney is a real witch.”

    Or completely unrelated:

    “Will this take long, I left my broom double-parked.”

    Okay. Those sucked. I haven’t had my coffee yet. I’ll be back after I’m caffeinated.

  3. Mel K.
    January 26th, 2009 at 10:35 am · Link

    LOL! With regard to #4 you could also say: I can’t make it to jury duty. Someone dropped a house on my sister! Or, my broom’s in the shop.

    A conversation in the courtroom:
    Judge: Get that juror out of my courtroom!
    DA: Which juror?
    Judge: Yes!
    DA: No, which juror, your honor?
    Judge: Yes! No witch juror!

  4. Jen Lyon
    January 26th, 2009 at 11:03 am · Link

    Dru, good one! The aura always gives the guilty away!

  5. Jen Lyon
    January 26th, 2009 at 11:06 am · Link

    Silver, I bet the judge was not amused, but I am totally amused! Love “I left broom double-parked!”

  6. Jen Lyon
    January 26th, 2009 at 11:09 am · Link

    Mel K, yes, yes on “someone dropped a house on my sister!”

    The conversation is pricless! Which juror…witch juror! LOL!

  7. Jane
    January 26th, 2009 at 1:25 pm · Link

    Those are all funny. I read somewhere that a person once said they heard voices telling them not to attend jury duty. I don’t know if that really happened, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it did.

  8. Erika
    January 26th, 2009 at 1:56 pm · Link

    These are very creative. I’ve never tried to get out of jury duty, nobody ever picks me. Kinda like in school where the captains of the team picked their players, I was always last, only this doesn’t hurt the feelings. :)

    What if you just showed up in full witch garb? Would you really have to say anything???

  9. Quilt Lady
    January 26th, 2009 at 2:17 pm · Link

    I have had jury duty several times and I don’t like it at all. Sometimes you can get out by just playing dumb. Then again you can say you are prejudice against the defendent, that might work to.

  10. Jen Lyon
    January 26th, 2009 at 3:51 pm · Link

    Jane, it sounds plausible to me!

  11. Jen Lyon
    January 26th, 2009 at 3:53 pm · Link

    Erika, I’ve only actually gone to jury duty once and wasn’t picked. My sister has been picked a few times–it’s crazy. Just to be safe, I’ll start looking in my closet for my full witch garb!

  12. Jen Lyon
    January 26th, 2009 at 3:56 pm · Link

    Quilt Lady, isn’t it amazing how they call the same people over and over. But I think I can pull off “playing dumb” :-)

  13. ruth
    January 26th, 2009 at 5:04 pm · Link

    I can’t serve Since I am a psychic.

  14. Jen S
    January 26th, 2009 at 5:21 pm · Link

    Good luck with the jury duty thing. Ummm….isn’t there a spell to make the decision????

    I kinda like your husband’s sense of humor!

  15. Jen Lyon
    January 26th, 2009 at 5:35 pm · Link

    Good one, Ruth!

  16. Jen Lyon
    January 26th, 2009 at 5:36 pm · Link

    Jen S, my husband does keep me entertained :-) If I get called in for jury duty, I’ll ask if there’s a spell to help with the decision, LOL!

  17. Kate Carlisle
    January 26th, 2009 at 6:56 pm · Link

    LOL, these are all good! I can’t help you Jen, because I always get chosen to be on the jury. Very bizarre. Especially because I really am a witch. :-)

  18. Jen Lyon
    January 26th, 2009 at 8:01 pm · Link

    Kate, you make a most excellent witch :-) Maybe that’s why they pick you!

  19. Cele
    January 27th, 2009 at 1:14 am · Link

    I have jury duty a few times and have really enjoyed it. But living in a small town I knew (in one case) the judge, both lawyers, and the arresting trooper. I did not know the smart ass drunk we decided was guilty. Another one (this in the county seat 60 miles away) I knew the judge, two state troopers, and one attorney, and one witness for the defendant.

    While I think number four was a great answer (one that would call in to question your mental grounding) really it was But damn, I think Silver’s true story that had me cracking up.

  20. ReadingIsSoMuchFun
    January 27th, 2009 at 2:18 am · Link

    I am enjoying these comments. Lots of great ones have been posted.

    Here are a few my fiance and I came up with :-)

    It is against my religion only god could judge.

    I am bias, I don’t care who you are. You are all guilty. Guilty I tell you.

    Telling judge on the phone. I don’t have my jury # or the papers because I got rob last night. I had it all in my wallet.

    I can tell if people are guilty by looking at them.

    Can each of my personalities vote in deliberations?


  21. Mel K.
    January 27th, 2009 at 8:50 am · Link

    LOL! Jen. Glad ya liked my post.

  22. Jen Lyon
    January 27th, 2009 at 2:10 pm · Link

    Cele, wow you do have jury experience! And yeah, Silver’s true story is too funny!

  23. Jen Lyon
    January 27th, 2009 at 2:12 pm · Link

    ReadingIsSoMuchFun, those are great, but LOVE the last one, “Can each of my personalities vote in deliberations?? Bwhahaha! I wonder if I could say that with a straight face?

  24. ReadingIsSoMuchFun
    January 27th, 2009 at 6:26 pm · Link

    Thanks Jennifer. You know I don’t even think I can say that last one with a straight face. I did that one while saying it to my fiance and I just kept laughing LoL.


  25. ReadingIsSoMuchFun
    January 27th, 2009 at 6:28 pm · Link

    Oh want to hear something even more funnier.

    My fiance successfully got out of jury duty today. He told the judge he was emotionally disturbed and that he works for himself. So the judge told him to go home.


  26. Jenn
    January 27th, 2009 at 8:25 pm · Link

    LindaH, I love your fiance’s answer! Jury duty can make anyone emotionally disturbed :-)

  27. ReadingIsSoMuchFun
    January 28th, 2009 at 12:42 am · Link

    Thank you Jennifer. My fiance is too funny :) Always have me laughing ;)


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