Jennifer Lyon

Friday, January 23rd, 2009
Lyon’s Lair

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lioness-with-attitudeJennifer Lyon is the pseudonym for Jennifer Apodaca.  According to Apodaca, Lyon is a cranky cat, addicted to apple martinis and totally lacking in morals and self control.

Lyon appreciates the compliment. And in this section. Lyon will do reviews of books, answer Dear Lyon email, give opinions on things in general, and whatever strikes her cat-fancy.

(Please note, that I realize that I am both these people, Apodaca and Lyon, and referring to myself in third person is twisted.  But all the time spent in the Lyon’s Lair writing about witches and demons takes a toll on a person’s mental health, you know?)

Today,  Lyon is answering e-mail. The first one is brought back by popular demand (originally seen on because it’s a new year, and Lyon is hearing disturbing rumblings about–gasp–dieting!

Dear Jen Lyon,

Do you have any diet advice?

Signed: Skinny Wannabe.

Dear SW,
Buy bigger clothes and buy more wine. The more wine you drink, the better you look. Also, I suggest baking cookies, cakes and brownies for all your friends. Get them fat. Then give them wine and they’ll tell you how great you look. Works every time.

Roaringly Yours
Jen Lyon

*     *     *    *

Dear Jen Lyon,


I think my mother-in-law might be a witch. What do I do?


Thank you,




Dear Scared,


Grow up! If you’re mother in law is a witch, you had better get out your book of spells and fight magic with magic. The first order of business to off dust off your cauldron and stir up some witches brew (made with liberal amounts of alcohol) and see if that takes the bristles out of the old bat’s broom.


And just cuz I’m feeling generous, I’ll give you another tip. Apple Martinis. Drink them often. Trust me, Apple Martini will make the old witch seem funny not scary.


Roaringly yours,

Jen Lyon

If you have a burning question for Jen Lyon, shoot your question in an email to and put Dear Lyon in the subject line. Lyon might answer your question, or she might not.  Just remember this is all in fun, because Lyon loves her snark along with her apple martinis!

Don’t forget–come back this weekend to find out who wins the $20.00 gift card to Barnes and Noble. The winner will be drawn from all this weeks comments. And  find out who is the lucky winner of the book BEDEVILED by Maureen Child! That winner will be drawn from the comments on Maureen’s guest-blog.

18 comments to “Lyon’s Lair”

  1. Jane
    January 23rd, 2009 at 2:20 am · Link

    Hi Jen,
    You give great advice. I had no idea that you’re such an expert in so many matters of life. You could have your own advice column in the newspaper.

  2. Sarita
    January 23rd, 2009 at 7:35 am · Link

    An Apple Martini, eh? The ultimate fix for a would-be witch. Thanks for the advice! :)

  3. Dru
    January 23rd, 2009 at 8:34 am · Link

    LOL…I love your answer to dieting.

  4. Silver James
    January 23rd, 2009 at 10:29 am · Link

    Lyons and brownies and wine, oh my! Don’t look behind that curtain, you’ll find a wizard named Apodaca!

    Isn’t it fun to meet yourself coming and going? At least I’m assured of some interesting conversation when I talk to myself.

  5. Jen Lyon
    January 23rd, 2009 at 11:57 am · Link

    Good morning all! (It’s morning here!)

    Jane, ohh what a scary thought, me with a newspaper advice column! There’d be a run on wine, brownies and probably martini glasses!

    Sarita, I love your name! I’ve found Apple Martinis great for adjusting attitudes in certain witches :-)

  6. Jen Lyon
    January 23rd, 2009 at 12:01 pm · Link

    Dru, Dieting is evil! Bad, bad, bad. Let’s all say it together, “No Dieting!”

    Silver, BRWAHAHAHA!!! You’ve summed me up so well! My kids torment me about talking to myself. But heck, at least I answer myself. Do you think my kids answer me???? Now I’m wondering about your interesting conversations with yourself!

  7. Quilt Lady
    January 23rd, 2009 at 12:41 pm · Link

    I love the way you answered these e-mails. The diet on cracked me up. I think I might have to try that one myself!

  8. Kate Carlisle
    January 23rd, 2009 at 1:12 pm · Link

    Kate loves Jennifer Lyon!!! Kate loves apple martinis! Kate loves wine! Kate hates dieting! Kate loves brownies!

    Please note that Kate has no problem with Jennifer Lyon speaking of herself in the third person. :-)

  9. Silver James
    January 23rd, 2009 at 1:43 pm · Link

    Wait? Children are supposed to respond to their parents? Who wrote that rule? I get more response from the dogs and cat, unless the widget child needs or wants something.

    *looks around furtively* Conversations? With myself? Strictly on a need to know basis. If I told you, I’d have to kill you. *bwahahaha*

    Seriously though, I tend to talk to my characters, the TV, or my Muse. Of course, she responds like my twenty-something college student – a blank stare. If I didn’t know better, I’d say my Muse is actually male. She doesn’t like to stop to stop for directions, either.

  10. Silver James
    January 23rd, 2009 at 1:49 pm · Link

    I must learn to proof before hitting send. My Muse refuses to stop to ASK for directions…lol.

  11. Michele
    January 23rd, 2009 at 2:33 pm · Link

    Must. Try. Apple Martini. Man, that sounds so good!

    And dieting IS Evil. Boo! Love the advice, Lyon. :)

  12. Mel K.
    January 23rd, 2009 at 3:14 pm · Link

    LMAO! Love your answers!
    I’ve never had an apple martini. Is it sour?

  13. Jen Lyon
    January 23rd, 2009 at 3:40 pm · Link

    Quilt Lady, YES try the diet advice! We must convert the entire world!

    LOL, Kate! Lyon loves Kate talking about herself in third person! Lyon is also waiting for HOMICIDE IN HARDCOVER! :-)

  14. Jen Lyon
    January 23rd, 2009 at 3:47 pm · Link

    Silver, before I had kids, I naively assumed they were supposed to answer when spoken too. Three sons later, and I am learning the truth: PARENTS DO NO EXIST.

    I had to laugh at your muse not asking for directions! Do they ever? Sheesh!

  15. Jen Lyon
    January 23rd, 2009 at 3:50 pm · Link

    Michele, can I be there when you try the apple martini? Please? And I promise you it’s MUCH BETTER than green tea latte….

    Mel K, hmm, maybe I shall have to write a review of apple martinis! They aren’t sour…and if you have more than one, you won’t care anyway!

  16. Michele
    January 23rd, 2009 at 4:22 pm · Link

    Jen, I wouldn’t have it any other way! And I sure hope it’s better than a green tea chai latte… blech. That was the most disgusting, lukewarm sludge I’d ever tried in my life! LOL. So, not what I’d ordered. :)

  17. Jen Lyon
    January 23rd, 2009 at 4:33 pm · Link

    Michele, it’s a good thing I didn’t have my camera phone then! Your expression was priceless :-) It wasn’t even close to what you ordered, but as usual, you were very gracious about it.

  18. Mel K.
    January 24th, 2009 at 10:35 am · Link

    LOL! I’m sure the research for your review would be enjoyable.

Comments are closed.