Jennifer Lyon is the pseudonym for Jennifer Apodaca. According to Apodaca, Lyon is a cranky cat, addicted to apple martinis and totally lacking in morals and self control.
Lyon appreciates the compliment. And in this section. Lyon will do reviews of books, answer Dear Lyon email, give opinions on things in general, and whatever strikes her cat-fancy.
(Please note, that I realize that I am both these people, Apodaca and Lyon, and referring to myself in third person is twisted. But all the time spent in the Lyon’s Lair writing about witches and demons takes a toll on a person’s mental health, you know?)
Today, Lyon is answering e-mail. The first one is brought back by popular demand (originally seen on www.murdershewrites.com) because it’s a new year, and Lyon is hearing disturbing rumblings about–gasp–dieting!
Dear Jen Lyon,
Do you have any diet advice?
Signed: Skinny Wannabe.
Buy bigger clothes and buy more wine. The more wine you drink, the better you look. Also, I suggest baking cookies, cakes and brownies for all your friends. Get them fat. Then give them wine and they’ll tell you how great you look. Works every time.
* * * *
Dear Jen Lyon,
I think my mother-in-law might be a witch. What do I do?
Grow up! If you’re mother in law is a witch, you had better get out your book of spells and fight magic with magic. The first order of business to off dust off your cauldron and stir up some witches brew (made with liberal amounts of alcohol) and see if that takes the bristles out of the old bat’s broom.
And just cuz I’m feeling generous, I’ll give you another tip. Apple Martinis. Drink them often. Trust me, Apple Martini will make the old witch seem funny not scary.
Don’t forget–come back this weekend to find out who wins the $20.00 gift card to Barnes and Noble. The winner will be drawn from all this weeks comments. And find out who is the lucky winner of the book BEDEVILED by Maureen Child! That winner will be drawn from the comments on Maureen’s guest-blog.