Jennifer Lyon

Thursday, April 23rd, 2009
Witch or Troll?

Here’s the game…
Witches are good.
Trolls are bad.

witch-magic-is-afootWhich one is this?

A virus infected my computer. I used our Virus Software, which we will call McVirusFree (not its real name to protect me from lawsuits and trolls). McVirusFree found the virus but could not delete or quarantine it.

I panicked, did some research then said, “WAIT! McVirusFree has Free Tech Support! I pay a yearly fee! I shall go to Free Tech Support!”

So, without even using my witch powers, I summoned the Tech Support and had a little chat. First I explained the problem.

Tech Guy: “Jennifer, do not worry, I can help you with that.”

Me: “Big Relief, what do I do?”

Tech Guy: Let me scan…

Me: I cleaned the bathrooms, whipped up a soufflé, mixed up a batch of appletinis-shaken not stirred-and painted my nails.

Tech Guy: “Jennifer, have you downloaded free ad ware lately?”

Me: “No. But several people use the computer, so maybe…”

Tech Guy: “Jennifer, I understand. Sometimes these malicious bugs are disguised as legitimate looking files.”

Me: “Okay…and?”

Tech Guy: “Do not worry, Jennifer, I can help you. Let me scan some more….”

Me: I read my email, called my husband, paid the bills, worried about my book, noticed the appletinis had disappeared and whipped up another batch-shaken, not stirred.

trolls-evilTech Guy: “Jennifer, good news! I can transfer you to another tech guy who has PREMIUM Scanning Software and for only 79.99 USD he can help you with this virus.

Me: “Uh, I have to pay ANOTHER $79.99 even though I already pay the yearly fee?

Tech Guy: “PREMIUM Scanning Software, Jennifer!”

Me: “Do you have swampland you want to sell me too?”

Tech Guy: “Jennifer, my scanning program does not understand these words you’re typing. For $79.99 the PREMIUM Scanning Software will understand and help you!

Me: “Bite me.” And I signed off.

Okay, I may have dramatized (cough-exaggerated-cough) this story a little bit. But once I signed off, I downloaded a FREE program that searched out and removed the virus.

My verdict?

McVirusFree is a troll looking to exploit desperate witches.

What say you?

12 comments to “Witch or Troll?”

  1. Margaret A. Golla
    April 23rd, 2009 at 7:17 am · Link

    TROLL that wasted how many of your precious hours on the phone?? Did the troll have an accent? If he did, then he and his brethern are planning to take over the world through their ‘PREMIUM’ scamming . . . oops, scanning, software. This witch is glad to have her techie dude firmly wrapped around her hips . . . uh, pinkie finger.

  2. Erika
    April 23rd, 2009 at 9:12 am · Link

    TROLL – McVirusFree, bah! We will never use McVirusFree again! Free software is the best. My tech guy downloaded a free bit of software on my computer called MalWare Bytes AntiMalWare. It rules. Glad you’re back up and running and virus free. Hey, for $79.99 USD I know somebody who does have swampland for you! :D

  3. Silver James
    April 23rd, 2009 at 9:15 am · Link

    I have banished such trolls from my life! I use Mac on the laptop and LINUX on the desktop. Nobody bothers writing viruses for them! If they dared, Steve Jobs (Mac) and an army of flying coding monkeys (LINUX programmers) would hunt the troll’s sorry @$$ to the ends of the earth, put a binding spell on ’em and toss ’em to the imps.

    I say we start having chocolatinis for breakfast (hey, cream and chocolate – like Cocopuffs only smooth), appletinis for lunch (fruit, right?) and OMG STEAK! for dinner!

  4. Jen Lyon
    April 23rd, 2009 at 10:00 am · Link

    Margaret, I talked to the troll through a free internet chat thing. But PREMIUM SCAMMING is so true! Why didn’t I think of that? Why can’t I be that clever? Darn!

    You are so lucky to have your techie dude!

  5. Jen Lyon
    April 23rd, 2009 at 10:03 am · Link

    Erika, that’s the free software I used! MalWare bytes! Awesome! I can’t believe what it found!

    I was so pissed yesterday. First off, I fought this thing for hours, first running the McVirusFree scans…just all of it. But now I am BWFs (Best Witch Friends) with MalWare!

  6. Jen Lyon
    April 23rd, 2009 at 10:05 am · Link

    Silver, HEY! I saw your OMG steak yesterday but I was afraid to click on anything until I was sure my computer was healed. I’ll go do that today!

    I’m up for chocolatinis for breakfast as long as I can have appletinis for lunch :-) Still on the soft food thing, so steak will have to wait.

  7. Erika
    April 23rd, 2009 at 11:24 am · Link

    How long do you have to do the soft food thing anyway? Is it helping with the jaw pain?

  8. Silver James
    April 23rd, 2009 at 11:25 am · Link

    Jen, the steaks I’ve eaten this trip? They all but melted in my mouth. Srsly! And I’m declaring ‘tinis as their own food group. Ya with me?

    I do feel your pain on the whole tech line help thing. I’m soooo glad I don’t have to worry about that anymore. I would put a hex on them but I figure they’ve already been and that’s why they’re customer service drones.

    Hope the jaw thing works out soon! I worry ’bout you.

  9. Jen
    April 23rd, 2009 at 2:41 pm · Link

    Erika, the doctor said at least a week which is tomorrow. My jaw is better, but still healing.

  10. Jen
    April 23rd, 2009 at 2:43 pm · Link

    Silver, hell yeah, I’m with ya!

    The steaks sound great and I hope you’re having a great trip!

    No worries, the jaw will heal or teh doctor will do something else to get it to heal. It is better, so I’m making progress.

  11. Kate Carlisle
    April 23rd, 2009 at 4:57 pm · Link

    Hi Jen! I hate trolls. Sorry you had to deal with computer woes but yay on finding the free stuff that works!!

    Hope your jaw feels better soon. I find appletinis very soothing for pain such as yours. And I would hate to go without steak for more than a few days. I’ve been told I’m carnivorous. :-)

  12. Jenn
    April 23rd, 2009 at 6:21 pm · Link

    Hey Kate! I’m so happy to have found the MalWare! Just wish I’d done it first thing to I didn’t waste hours…but still, it worked out.

    My jaw is getting better…and appletinis are medicinal!

    I can live without the steak, but I really really want a chunk of chocolate.

    How come I’m not losing weight????

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