Jennifer Lyon

Tuesday, August 3rd, 2010
Dumb Witch Story

I didn’t sleep much in Orlando, but I didn’t much care as I was having so much fun!  Even on the day I had to leave, I got up early, made myself presentable and met Silver for breakfast before doing a publisher signing.

By the way–the publisher signings rock! What could possibly beat giving away free books? People wait in long lines to get into these signings.  We all get settled, then someone yells out a warning that they are opening the doors, and people pour in. I think at least 10 people told me they loved witches and were excited my books were about witches. It really was fun.

Then I got to hang out with Silver for a bit longer, and my agent came over and joined us.

But alas it was time to go home.  So I packed, checked out, waited for the shuttle and made it to the airport two hours before takeoff.  I breezed through the lines getting my boarding pass, my luggage checked and security. Things were going great. The plane took off on time.  We landed fine in Houston where I had another two hour layover.  No problem. I was impressed that in spite of too much fun and not enough sleep, I seemed to be in control.

So I went to the restroom.  And when I came out of the stall I began to realize…umm, was that  man? In the women’s resteroom?


Then I saw another man. A pilot. In the women’s…

Uh oh…


Horrified, I hauled my chubby butt out of there!! I was soooo mortified! I must have turned fourteen shades of red.

Finally, I make my connection and got home.  Wizard picked me up, and on the way home I told him about “the incident.”

He laughed so hard, I think he was crying.  When he could breathe again, he said “You have to put that on your blog.”

I sank back in my seat, still mortified. “Maybe. If I can bring myself to tell anyone…oh crap, you’re going to tell people, aren’t you?”

“Oh yeah. Hell yes!” Then he broke into laughter again.

Sigh…so yes, I am that dumb. I went in the men’s bathroom. I didn’t even see the urinals when I walked in. I am a dumb witch.

So anyone else dumb enough to go in the men’s bathroom? Anyone????

24 comments to “Dumb Witch Story”

  1. Dawn
    August 3rd, 2010 at 6:27 am · Link

    *laughs hysterically* OMG, Jen, that’s tooo funny :lol: How could you not notice the urinals? I have to say, in Wizard’s place, I’d have said the same thing. Hell, yes, I’m gonna tell!! Isn’t that what family is for? To make fun of you when you do something stupid? I can’t say I’ve ever walked into the men’s bathroom. I’ve done other things and felt just as stupid and embarrassed :oops: None of which I’m going to tell. I try to avoid letting other people know about those moments :)

  2. Margaret A. Golla
    August 3rd, 2010 at 7:15 am · Link

    I did once (come to think of it, I’ve done it more often than just once!). . . on purpose. It wasn’t near as exciting as your story, but here goes. My mom took me on a bus tour vacation to Canada and we stopped in a dinky town for a potty break. Two single bathrooms labelled MEN and WOMEN. Uh, did I mention this was an ‘old’ person’s bus tour. Women outnumber the men by about 18 to 1. I said “to hell with this” and went into the mens room. I was 19 at the time and started a trend. I found out later that I could have gotten arrested for it.
    Who da thunk it? Huh?

  3. Dru
    August 3rd, 2010 at 7:45 am · Link


    Sorry, but your blog was a great morning pick-me up. I’m so glad no one was in the office as I laughed out loud.

    Have a good day.

  4. B.E. Sanderson
    August 3rd, 2010 at 8:07 am · Link

    I can’t really laugh at you since I did a similar thing last month. Daughter and I were on our quarterly trip out of town and we stopped by a Walmart we hadn’t been to before. Halfway through shopping in there I left her in the electronics department and headed for the restrooms. I walked into the lefthand bathroom – because our local Walmart is laid out with the ladies room on the left. Not there. The left is the men’s room. Lucky for me, I saw the back of some poor guy standing near the side wall before I went into a stall. I didn’t see anything and he didn’t see me. That’ll teach me to assume all Walmarts are laid out the same.

    Tell Wizard to cut you some slack. You were tired, in a strange place and your mind was on other things. (Although both Daughter and Husband laughed at me, and I was okay with that. My mind was on shopping at the time. LOL)

  5. Cecile
    August 3rd, 2010 at 11:37 am · Link

    Okay **raises hand** I did it… Mine was quiet the feat… It was at Hooter’s of all freaking place…. and YES… there were hot guys there watching in and out of the bathroom… I walked in…. Went 8-O and walked out… And to boot.. my daughter and bff were there laughing their butts off at me… Oh yeah… So… no worries…

    And yeah.. I am soo with Wizard on this one… ROTFLMBO… You have to tell!!! That is what makes us human!!! Not a dumb witch!

    Okay.. appletini time!!!!! Let’s go hon! You deserve one!

  6. Jen Lyon
    August 3rd, 2010 at 12:09 pm · Link

    Dawn, laugh away! I deserve it! And I should keep my mouth shut. I swore to myself I would. But once I got in the car with Wizard, it spilled out. That happens a lot! I usually tell him everything, he has a LOT of dirt on me.

    You’re so much smarter than me to NOT tell!

  7. Jen Lyon
    August 3rd, 2010 at 12:10 pm · Link

    Margaret, arrested for it? OMG!!! I can just see that on the news! AT least you did it on purpose, I can respect that!

  8. Jen Lyon
    August 3rd, 2010 at 12:11 pm · Link

    Dru, I’m happy to make you laugh!

  9. Jen Lyon
    August 3rd, 2010 at 12:14 pm · Link

    B.E., See? You were still smarter than me! I should have seen the urinals. I’m not sure why I didn’t, except that I was dead tired and had a million things on my mind. But still…Dumb Witch!

    Wizard deserves to laugh at me. The kids and I were laughing at him last night and he didn’t even know why. It was mean. I was actually laughing at the kids, as they were choking-on-cake laughing. Wizard truly puts up with A LOT from us.

  10. Jen Lyon
    August 3rd, 2010 at 12:15 pm · Link

    Umm, Cecile, as soon as you said there were hot guys in there…well, are you sure it was an accident? LOLOL!!! At HOOTERS of all places!!! Too funny!

    The restroom was empty when I went in.

    I could use an appletini!

  11. Silver James
    August 3rd, 2010 at 12:19 pm · Link

    Okay. I spurted coffee out my nose! I’ve done it on purpose but never by mistake. Since a lot of the Men’s Room were converted at the hotel for RWA, a lot of women got their first view of that “sanctum.” I reminded them it was research!

    Besides, Jen, you’re so cute I’m sure no one minded! And I’ve seen your butt. Chubby it ain’t! (In clothes, witches! In clothes!) :-P

  12. Cecile
    August 3rd, 2010 at 12:21 pm · Link

    Yeah, but Jen… I did not know there were hot guys in.. .Till I GOT IN!!! LMBO!!! Then I did the :oops: omg… I am so sorry.. turn around!!!!! And yeah.. Hooters… Where you know everyone is watching you, lmbo!

    **links arms with Jen… heading to the nearest bar**

    We want appletines.. Hell just bring us the pitcher!

  13. Maureen Child
    August 3rd, 2010 at 1:07 pm · Link

    Ah, Witchy Girl….you are not alone.

    ALTHOUGH, when a few friends and I went into the men’s bathroom at a play in New York, it was because the women’s line stretched all the way to Time Square! So we drafted a guy to stand lookout and we all went in to pee!

    Wish I could have seen your face………why are guy’s bathrooms always open and ours always crowded?????

  14. Kate Carlisle
    August 3rd, 2010 at 1:14 pm · Link

    OMG, that is soooo funny, Jen!! Yes, you absolutely had to tell us all about it because I’m sure we can all relate! Oh, but it’s especially funny because, well, it’s YOU! You are the funniest witch on the planet!! In a good way, I promise! :-)

    It was so much fun hanging out with you at the conference! And it was great meeting Silver, too! And what a blast that you WON the NRCA!! Yeah!

  15. Kate Carlisle
    August 3rd, 2010 at 1:15 pm · Link

    Oh hey, I wanted one of those cute little demon avatars to show up! I love those! Instead, it’s just my weird face. Oh well, maybe that’s even scarier! LOL

  16. Amanda
    August 3rd, 2010 at 2:30 pm · Link

    I haven’t but my husband has walked into the women’s restroom before and not on purpose. This restaurant/pub in Destin we like to go to has a sign on the Men’s door that says something like if your NOT a woman use this one or something like that, I can’t remember exactly. Anyway the first time he went he went into the women’s restroom and didn’t realize it until he was walking out and a lady with her small children were going in. He told us about it and said I thought it was odd there weren’t any urinals.

    We are going to Destin this next week and I know he has plans to go. I will have to get him to take a picture of exactly what it says.

  17. Jen Lyon
    August 3rd, 2010 at 2:38 pm · Link

    Silver, you’ve seen my butt? ROTFL!!! Sorry but it sounds so funny!!!!

    I’m still humiliated and annoyed at myself. But I spend a lot fo time in that condition! Silver can tell you all, I am directionally challenged (I blame Wizard for enabling me in this–he gives me directions everywhere). But I can usually read.

  18. Jen Lyon
    August 3rd, 2010 at 2:39 pm · Link

    Cecile, can you imagine the two of us together without supervision????? We’d have way too much fun!

  19. Jen Lyon
    August 3rd, 2010 at 2:40 pm · Link

    Maureen, you drafted a guy to play lookout? That is brilliant! And if you’d been there with me, this wouldn’t have happened! I believe you have stopped me from many Dumb Witch Moments.

    I really do need a keeper. Ask Wizard.

  20. Jen Lyon
    August 3rd, 2010 at 2:43 pm · Link

    Kate, wasn’t Silver great??? Thanks on the funny witch part, even if I’m not trying most of the time. I’m just gifted with the ability to do lame brained stuff.

    NRCA was so fun! Although I was a bit stunned when I won. Still think YOU should have won! Just saying…your mysteries are the best, I love Brooklyn! I can’t wait for the third one to come out.

    I love your picture as your avatar!

  21. Jen Lyon
    August 3rd, 2010 at 2:44 pm · Link

    Amanda, I hope he gets the picture of the sign on the door. That really doesn’t sound like his fault. Why would they use confusing signs like that?

    The urinals, as it turned out, were on the wall directly across from where I walked in. I should have seen them. I was in a daze or something.

  22. B.E. Sanderson
    August 3rd, 2010 at 6:11 pm · Link

    It’s the best marriage when you can laugh with each other about the silly things. =oD

    And trust me, Jen, if that guy hadn’t been standing at the urinals, I wouldn’t have noticed them. All I could think was, what’s he doing in here? And what the hell are those things on the wall? I’m really surprised he didn’t see me – I was standing there with this dumb look on my face for long enough. ;o)

  23. Cecile
    August 3rd, 2010 at 7:42 pm · Link

    Oh gosh Jen…. we would have a blast!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  24. Dawn
    August 3rd, 2010 at 9:01 pm · Link

    If you’ve never seen long lines at the men’s bathrooms, you’ve never been to a Jimmy Buffett concert. The men’s lines are as long as the women’s. A friend of mine started a trend. Of peeing behind the dumpster. Ewww. I was at that concert. I’m just glad I wasn’t the one playing look-out.

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