Yesterday morning, I dragged myself to the gym around 7 O’WayTooEarly A. M. I got to the front desk, scanned my card and noticed a guy hanging around behind the desk.
Young. Buff. Good looking. A wee bit too good looking…and I start to panic, a big red warning blinking in my head: PERSONAL TRAINER ON THE PROWL FOR NEW, PAYING CLIENTS! I thought frantically, Please don’t notice me.
He noticed me. His dark brown eyes lit up and he said, “Morning! So you’re really fit!”
I actually turned around, because I thought he must have noticed someone BEHIND me. But there was no one there. The man was actually saying that to me. And he apparently thought I’d believe he was sincere. I muttered something about not being fit and hurried away. I went upstairs to the cardio area, climb up on the *grumble grumble* stair stepper and fiddled with my iPod, looking for some music that will make this torture bearable.
I look up to see the toned, too perky trainer had followed me up the stairs. “I can’t believe you said your not fit!” He calls out. This then quickly turned into a pitch to train me because I have a “great frame.”
Yeah, my three kids, middle aged, chocolate-and-wine drenched, overweight, great frame. Sure. I believe you.
What I should have done was told him this true story: A while back, Wizard offered to help me tone up a few places and told me to do 8 million or so reps on this leg press thing. I did what he told me ONCE. Then I got off the machine, and once I could feel my legs again, I walked over to him and said, “Just so you know, I hate you.”
I narrowed my eyes and said, “I know ways to end your life, Wizard.”
Still laughing, he answered, “If I’m dead who will put gas in your car, Witch?”
Damn. I had to let him live.
That’s what I should have told the trainer, but instead I said I was under a doctor’s care and didn’t have medical clearance for a personal trainer. Boring but effective!
What would you have said?
February 22nd, 2011 at 6:22 am · Link
I probably would’ve laughed in his face. Not because I’m purposefully rude, but I can’t seem to help myself these days. Bad sales pitches and insincere salesmen kill me. Besides, I’m so far out of shape, anything a trainer said, other than ‘I’m surprised you’re still upright’, would be a lie.
I think what you told him was great, Jen. Very diplomatic and it got him off your back.
February 22nd, 2011 at 9:06 am · Link
LOL, hmmm. I would’ve slowly looked him up and down, pausing at the good bits and said “Your frame is looking pretty darn good too.” Winked at him while giving him a come hither cougar look, and laughed as he ran for the hills.
You handled it very well, I doubt I could’ve come up with an excuse like that on the spur of the moment. I am finding the older I get the less patience I have dealing with those kind of people. I start out trying to be polite but if they refuse to take the hint I then tend to get short with them or hang up on them if they are calling on the phone.
February 22nd, 2011 at 11:42 am · Link
I would have told him that I’m a famous romance author and if he’d pay me a thousand dollars a month I’d endorse his training method and put him in my next book, under a different name bacause you know…fiction, right? But the money had to be in cash.
Dude…I’m so glad I don’t go to the gym. One look at my frame and they’d die laughing. My CPR certification is up to date but I’d hate to waste my time, ya know?
February 22nd, 2011 at 11:55 am · Link
B.E., it was so obviously a lie, I was annoyed. But even more, I just wanted to go do my thing and leave, not deal with high pressure sales.
February 22nd, 2011 at 11:59 am · Link
Val, that’s great! If only I could have pulled that off without laughing!
My excuse is actually very close to the truth so I wasn’t being all that clever. I can work out but I’m limited and my doctor would not like a trainer pushing me past my limits.
February 22nd, 2011 at 12:01 pm · Link
Silver, that’s another good one! I’d love to see you tell him that!
I like the gym early in the morning–it mostly average looking people who come to work out and go on with their day.
And there’s nothing wrong with your frame!