You know what’s frustrating? Knowing something I can’t share…
Man I hate that. So let’s talk about the night I decided I should give myself a pedicure. Sometimes, I get lucky, and it turns out okay.
This was not one of those nights.
So I go upstairs, do all the pre work, then gather up my stuff and sit on the floor in front of the TV. And I start polishing.
Wizard, and I don’t know how he does it, will sense when I have been rendered a “captive audience.” It’s freaky how finely tuned this sense of this is. He had been out in his garage for a while, not bothering me. But once I have polish on and can’t move until it dries?
Wizard appears in the room. “What are you doing Witch?”
I narrow my eyes and say, “I’m mixing chemicals that will kill you. Run while you can.”
He’s not the least bit worried. He tilts his head. “Why don’t you just go get a pedicure?”
“Shut up.” I can soooo do this. I can. Really. I used to decorate cakes, damn it. Okay not professionally, but still, I wasn’t embarrassed by my cakes. I can do this!
Wizard totally ignores my outburst and goes on, “Are you making yourself pretty?” Then he starts walking around the room singing “Prettyyyy Girrllls” in the creepiest Wizard voice possible.
I cave in and do the worst possible thing. I laugh. I can’t help it. Wizard is so not creepy, and when he does that voice, it sends me into fits of giggles every freaking time.
But then he starts to leave, and I sigh in relief. He’s done and I can have some peace.
And then he spots this:
It’s sitting on my upstairs desk. I have no clue what it is–but Biker Witch gave it to me. Probably because she’s in cohoots with Wizard to DRIVE ME INSANE.
Well Wizard’s face lit up when he sees this. He picks it up, them LOOMS over me. “Say, Whoo Hoo.”
“No. Leave me alone. I want to watch TV.”
“You have to say Woo Hoo. Then I throw this to you. That’s the game, I saw it on a TV show.”
I swear to you I Am Not Making This Up. I can’t get up and escape because…hello, wet toes. Dark grape polish. Light carpet. I am trapped.
So I say Woo Hoo. And he throws that weird ass thing at me. I catch it before it attacks me.
Then he stands there sing-songing Woo Hoo! And won’t leave until I throw it back.
I seriously had to play this game while trapped on the floor with wet toes until he was done torturing me.
Finally, he puts the stupid ass thing down and said, “Fork out the money for a pedicure you cheap witch,” and leaves, laughing all the way down the stairs. Why? Why does this amuse him so much?And he’s wrong, because I can so do a pedicure if I try!
So finally my toes dry, I go downstairs and he’s like totally NORMAL for awhile. Then I look at my toes and … I stomp upstairs totally pissed because my toes aren’t right at all and I take off the stupid polish.
I’ll probably pay for a pedicure as soon as I’m done sulking. I can’t even blame Wizard, he didn’t touch my toes. He’s totally responsible for making me insane, but not the poor polish job. Heck, he didn’t even say “I told you so.”
If you actually made it through this story–all true because yes, we are that boring–have a great weekend everyone!