Jennifer Lyon

Friday, August 17th, 2012
Happy Friday!

You know what’s frustrating? Knowing something I can’t share…


Man I hate that. So let’s talk about the night I decided I should give myself a pedicure. Sometimes, I get lucky, and it turns out okay.

This was not one of those nights.

So I go upstairs, do all the pre work, then gather up my stuff and sit on the floor in front of the TV. And I start polishing.

Wizard, and I don’t know how he does it, will sense when I have been rendered a “captive audience.” It’s freaky how finely tuned this sense of this is. He had been out in his garage for a while, not bothering me. But once I have polish on and can’t move until it dries?

Wizard appears in the room. “What are you doing Witch?”

I narrow my eyes and say,  “I’m mixing chemicals that will kill you. Run while you can.”

He’s not the least bit worried.  He tilts his head. “Why don’t you just go get a pedicure?”

“Shut up.” I can soooo do this. I can. Really. I used to decorate cakes, damn it. Okay not professionally, but still, I wasn’t embarrassed by my cakes. I can do this!

Wizard totally ignores my outburst and goes on, “Are you making yourself pretty?” Then he starts walking around the room singing “Prettyyyy Girrllls” in the creepiest Wizard voice possible.

I cave in and do the worst possible thing.  I laugh. I can’t help it. Wizard is so not creepy, and when he does that voice, it sends me into fits of giggles every freaking time.

But then he starts to leave, and I sigh in relief. He’s done and I can have some peace.

And then he spots this:

It’s sitting on my upstairs desk. I have no clue what it is–but Biker Witch gave it to me.  Probably because she’s in cohoots with Wizard to DRIVE ME INSANE.


Well Wizard’s face lit up when he sees this. He picks it up, them LOOMS over me.  “Say, Whoo Hoo.”

“No. Leave me alone. I want to watch TV.”

“You have to say Woo Hoo. Then I throw this to you. That’s the game, I saw it on a TV show.”

I swear to you I Am Not Making This Up. I can’t get up and escape because…hello, wet toes. Dark grape polish. Light carpet. I am trapped.

So I say Woo Hoo.  And he throws that weird ass thing at me. I catch it before it attacks me.

Then he stands there sing-songing Woo Hoo! And won’t leave until I throw it back.

I seriously had to play this game while trapped on the floor with wet toes until he was done torturing me.

Finally, he puts the stupid ass thing down and said,  “Fork out the money for a pedicure you cheap witch,” and leaves, laughing all the way down the stairs. Why? Why does this amuse him so much?And he’s wrong, because I can so do a pedicure if I try!

So finally my toes dry, I go downstairs and he’s like totally NORMAL for awhile. Then I look at my toes and … I stomp upstairs totally pissed because my toes aren’t right at all and I take off the stupid polish.

I’ll probably pay for a pedicure as soon as I’m done sulking.  I can’t even blame Wizard, he didn’t touch my toes. He’s totally responsible for making me insane, but not the poor polish job. Heck, he didn’t even say “I told you so.”

If you actually made it through this story–all true because yes, we are that boring–have a great weekend everyone!

16 comments to “Happy Friday!”

  1. Viki S.
    August 17th, 2012 at 2:42 am · Link

    I can always count on you giving me a chuckle early in my day. You and Wizard to a trip.

    I think that purple thing might be a frustration ball. You know, squeeze it and watch the eyes bug out when your super annoyed with things. I used to have one at work. I broke it :).

    Sorry your toes didn’t turn out as you would have liked. Maybe you should treat yourself to a weekend pedicure. You deserve it.

    On the toe polish thread – I did mine the other day with a light blue and I will be removing it. I have Reynaulds Syndrome and this blue is making my toes look even more sickly. I will stick with bright pink :).

    I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

  2. B.E. Sanderson
    August 17th, 2012 at 7:06 am · Link

    I think you guys are great. You want boring? Come over here and I’ll tell you the story of my search for washing machine cleaner. It’s riveting. ;o)

    Have an incredible weekend and let us know how that paid-for pedicure works out for ya.

  3. Kat
    August 17th, 2012 at 7:33 am · Link

    OOOO…. The purple thing. Hee Hee I have a yellow and an orange and a green and big ones and little ones all over my house. Okay they are so silly and make me smile. :lol:

    I sort of collect them because they make me giggle.

    If all works out the family may be going to an amusement park on the weekend. I don’t do rides but I can always find a shady spot to read while the rest of them get dizzy, spun around and turned upside down.

    Hope everyone else has a good weekend.

  4. ashlynnpearce
    August 17th, 2012 at 8:14 am · Link

    lol Jen….Is your Wizard related to my Hubster? Seriously, that is EXACTLY what my man would do. So danged annoyingly funny. HA! They make life awesome don’t they? :mrgreen:

    Man, it’s to bad we don’t live closer, I can’t even imagine them two together. The insaneness that would go on….oh my! heheh

  5. Jenn
    August 17th, 2012 at 11:12 am · Link

    Viki, so your hands and feet get cold, and have trouble with circulation, right? Am I thinking of the correct syndrome? That makes things like grocery shopping in the freezer section uncomfortable for you (among other things)?

    I did blue polish once–it looked like a bruise :-) I don’t know if I’ll get around to a pedicure or not. I have a lot I need to do for my agent, and Sat we’re having one or more sons+Bailey out to swim.

  6. Jenn
    August 17th, 2012 at 11:14 am · Link

    B.E., SNORT! I darn near snorted my coffee. I don’t know if I can handle a washing machine cleaner story.

    Wizard thinks he’s funny. He totally is, but seriously, we have regressed to children.

    Hope your eye is back to a 100%. That had to be scary.

  7. Jenn
    August 17th, 2012 at 11:17 am · Link

    Kat, I hope you all get to go and have a blast! I do more rides than Wizard, the big baby.

    That purple thing made me laugh when I opened it (a gift), which was Biker’s Witch’s goal. I still grin when I see it. But Wizard takes it to a whole new level :-)

  8. Jenn
    August 17th, 2012 at 11:18 am · Link

    Ashlynn, they would be dangerous together, LOL!!! But they keep us laughing, don’t they?

    Hope you have a great weekend!

  9. Viki S.
    August 17th, 2012 at 11:30 am · Link

    Yes Jenn –

    You have the right syndrome. Even the ears and nose can turn with cold or extreme anxiety. My husband thinks I’m so funny because it’s worse in the morning so I always have on a pair of wool mittens I made.

    I hope you all have fun in the pool. I’m picturing Bailey running around the sides trying to get you all out of the pool thus saving you :). He must protect his family.

  10. Silver James
    August 17th, 2012 at 11:39 am · Link

    Oh, Jen. I splorted coffee everywhere! It’s taken me this long to clean it up. ;) I love you and Wiz. Just sayin’… Lawyer Guy is more covert. (That translates to sneaky, FYI… :lol: )

    Happy Friday, witches! I’m pouring the appletinis in anticipation of cheering whatever Jen’s Secret News(tm) might be! (It’s got to be good news or she wouldn’t tease us so unmercifully!!!)

  11. Dawn
    August 17th, 2012 at 2:21 pm · Link

    I love Witch and Wizard stories! You guys crack me up :) I walk around all the time w/ wet toe nails though. I just do the toes-in-the-air hobble. It works for me. The purple sound like a cool color too. I like the funky colors like that. Or a nice red. No boring neutrals or pastels for me.

    Two more days of work and then a couple of days off. YAY! I can’t wait. And tomorrow I’m taking a little road trip after work. My friend is having a party for her girls’ b-day.

    Have a great weekend, witches!

  12. Ban
    August 17th, 2012 at 10:05 pm · Link

    I smiled the whole way through that Jen – Have a GREAT weekend :D

  13. Jen Lyon
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:14 am · Link

    Viki, I’m sorry you have to deal with that. Aren’t husbands great for laughing at us? Oh well, I’m sure we pay them back, LOL!

  14. Jen Lyon
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:16 am · Link

    Silver, I shouldn’t tease, and it’ll be awhile before I can reveal secret news, if things go as planned.

    Sorry for making you splort coffee :-) Wizard has a covert side too, it keeps them interesting, doesn’t it? We’re never sure what they are going to spring on us!

  15. Jen Lyon
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:18 am · Link

    Dawn, thanks. I always think the Witch and Wizard stories are boring.

    Hope you have a great time at the B-Day party!

  16. Jen Lyon
    August 19th, 2012 at 10:18 am · Link

    Ban, thanks! Hope you’re having a great weekend too!

Comments are closed.