Jennifer Lyon

Wednesday, June 28th, 2023
Just For Fun — Choose Your Weapon!

A few months ago, I was cleaning blinds and listening to some comedy sketches when I heard a hilarious story that took place in Florida “Local Man Robs Wendy’s with Alligator”  The man was eventually charged with Assault with a Deadly Weapon. I don’t know how that case played out because the funny part is robbing a fast food joint through the drive through with an freaking alligator as a weapon.

This basic story was true, you can look it up. The man had picked up an alligator that day–where??? I don’t know because I’ve never once wanted to have an alligator :-) . But this guy got himself an alligator, and while it was in the car with him, he then decided to rob a Wendy via the drive-through because, clearly, he’s a efficient genius. If you stay in your car, then you shave off the time you would have spent running to the car and getaway faster, right? Anyhow, apparently he got a soda, and then he didn’t want to pay for it. And that’s when he picked up the alligator and threw it through the window. Then he drove off.

He was later caught and arrested. Dang, who could have guessed there was video surveillance? It could happen to anyone!

So I checked the story out, and yep, it’s true according to newspapers. Even better — his mother defended him and insisted it was a prank. I’m sure the three and a half foot alligator and the poor clerk had a good laugh about it. For the record, they were both fine (although they may both have some PTSD after that!) The nicest thing I can think to say is this mom may not be helping her son as much as she thinks she is.  Yeah, let’s leave it there.

But this story got me to thinking, if I was going to be arrested for something like assault with a deadly weapon with something really stupid, because lets face it this whole plan was stupid, what would that weapon be?

Luckily I have actually thought of this: My rolling pin! You see, this rolling pin is special. Wizard got it for me as one of the first birthday gifts after we were married. A. Rolling. Pin. For the record, I said thank you :-) Let me just say that Wizard has improved significantly in the gift giving department! He’s actually better than me at coming up with good gifts! But that rolling pin has been a family joke for decades now and in a weird way, I cherish it. It’s a heavy, old fashion one that could do some real damage. Even better, it’s unlikely to hurt me in the process! So that’s my stupid weapon I’d be hypothetically arrested for.

What’s yours?

4 comments to “Just For Fun — Choose Your Weapon!”

  1. Silver James
    June 28th, 2023 at 6:56 am · Link

    Florida. It had to be because…Florida! While I’m thinking of something stupid (since I carry and yeah, just call me Indiana Jones when a dude comes at me with swords) I’ll pose another question. There was a Reddit thread about picking two options to defend you against the rest who are coming to kill you. Your choices:
    1. 50 hawks
    2. 10 crocodiles
    3. 3 brown bears
    4. 15 wolves
    5. 1 hunter
    6. 7 Cape buffalo
    7. 10,000 rats
    8. 5 gorillas
    9. 4 lions.
    Of course, I wanted to know how much ammunition the hunter had–right after I picked the 10K rats (has no one seen “Ben”?!?! Depending on the amount of ammunition and how good a shot, I’d probably pick the hunter but my back-up pick would be the gorillas, for a whole host of reasons mainly doing with natural enemies and predators. Anyway…crazy weapon…hrm…a water hose with a jet spray. It can be used both offensively and defensively but it’s not exactly portable. LOLOL

    Happy Hump Day!

  2. Viki S.
    June 28th, 2023 at 3:01 pm · Link

    My first thought was a rolling pin too. Even though Wizard’s gift have “improved” over time, I bet you were really happy with the rolling pin.

    Aside from my firearm, I think I’d use a cast iron skillet. My grandmother chased my drunk father around the yard with one when I was a newborn. I’ve always enjoyed picturing a 5′ tall little spitfire chasing a man around a yard. She was quite the woman. She once threatened to iron his face when we were all living in her house and he was disrespectful to her. How I miss that woman ❤.

    I’m running behind today.

    I hope you have a great afternoon!

  3. Jenn
    June 28th, 2023 at 3:43 pm · Link

    Silver, yeah, Florida, LOL. But all states have their fun sides and I actually love conferencing or vacationing in Florida so it definitely has it’s positive side too.

    You can’t count yours “carry” as that’s a true and logical weapon. But the hose is pretty funny. It’s safer than an alligator!

    As for the choices, I’d pick the wolves because I want to. They are gorgeous, powerful and scary as long as they agree to protect and not eat me :-)

    I’m pretty sure seeing 10,000 rats coming at them would scare anyone! But one of my kids had a class pet rat named Sunny who often stayed at our house over holidays — I loved him. He was sweet and loving so I’ll let you have the rats and I’ll take the wolves.

    Happy Wednesday!

  4. Jenn
    June 28th, 2023 at 3:47 pm · Link

    Viki, you know, the story of that rolling pin has taken on a life of its own, so I can’t remember exactly how I felt at the time, LOL. But it doesn’t matter, I love that rolling pin now.

    The cast iron skillet is definitely dangerous! I bet that was a site to see your mom chasing your dad with it. This first year with your mom gone is the hardest, but it’s never totally easy as you know. I’m really glad you have memories that make you smile.

    Hope your day gets on track! I hate that feeling of running behind.

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