Jennifer Lyon
Thursday, April 23rd, 2009
Witch or Troll?

Here’s the game…
Witches are good.
Trolls are bad.

witch-magic-is-afootWhich one is this?

A virus infected my computer. I used our Virus Software, which we will call McVirusFree (not its real name to protect me from lawsuits and trolls). McVirusFree found the virus but could not delete or quarantine it.

I panicked, did some research then said, “WAIT! McVirusFree has Free Tech Support! I pay a yearly fee! I shall go to Free Tech Support!”

So, without even using my witch powers, I summoned the Tech Support and had a little chat. First I explained the problem.

Tech Guy: “Jennifer, do not worry, I can help you with that.”

Me: “Big Relief, what do I do?”

Tech Guy: Let me scan…

Me: I cleaned the bathrooms, whipped up a soufflé, mixed up a batch of appletinis-shaken not stirred-and painted my nails.

Tech Guy: “Jennifer, have you downloaded free ad ware lately?”

Me: “No. But several people use the computer, so maybe…”

Tech Guy: “Jennifer, I understand. Sometimes these malicious bugs are disguised as legitimate looking files.”

Me: “Okay…and?”

Tech Guy: “Do not worry, Jennifer, I can help you. Let me scan some more….”

Me: I read my email, called my husband, paid the bills, worried about my book, noticed the appletinis had disappeared and whipped up another batch-shaken, not stirred.

trolls-evilTech Guy: “Jennifer, good news! I can transfer you to another tech guy who has PREMIUM Scanning Software and for only 79.99 USD he can help you with this virus.

Me: “Uh, I have to pay ANOTHER $79.99 even though I already pay the yearly fee?

Tech Guy: “PREMIUM Scanning Software, Jennifer!”

Me: “Do you have swampland you want to sell me too?”

Tech Guy: “Jennifer, my scanning program does not understand these words you’re typing. For $79.99 the PREMIUM Scanning Software will understand and help you!

Me: “Bite me.” And I signed off.

Okay, I may have dramatized (cough-exaggerated-cough) this story a little bit. But once I signed off, I downloaded a FREE program that searched out and removed the virus.

My verdict?

McVirusFree is a troll looking to exploit desperate witches.

What say you?

Monday, April 20th, 2009
What Are You Reading?

witch_on_her_way_to_the_beach_magnet-p147258474988457394tdcm

It’s HOT here in Southern California! Like pool and beach weather! Which is very scary since that means I’m going to have to go bathing suit shopping soon. I really don’t want to talk about that, or think about it! Let’s talk about reading instead!

I just started reading this book:

secret-life-of-a-vampire-kerrelyn-sparksI’ve only read 40 pages…it’s light and humorous.  Lately I gravitate to darker and more passionate books,  but I’m not sure why. I’ve always liked light and funny.

I just finished this book

cop-a-true-storyIt’s the experiences of Michael L Middleton’s career as a cop. My son read the book and gave it to me to read, so I did. I liked it very much.

What are you guys reading? How was your weekend? Are any of you thinking about bathing suit shopping?

Thursday, April 16th, 2009
Prologue of Failure

I want to show you guys the book that FAILED.  I loved this book with everything I had, but in the end, this book just wasn’t publishable. It did get some attention,including requests for fulls, two requests for revisions and even a couple editors suggesting other places to send it.

This is from the unpublished book THE LEGEND OF WITCH ISLAND by Jennifer Apodaca.  Copyrighted, etc.

Feel free to critique and bash, I wrote this a very long time ago. Or if you want to see more, then I’ll give you more.  Speak up!

PROLOGUE

It is written that there once was an uncharted island ruled by the Witches of the Light. But Evil wanted the island for its own dark purposes. And so the timeless battle ebbed and flowed between good and evil as the years passed. The battle took their beloved king from the witches, and sent his queen wife and prince son fleeing to England. The Witches of the Light persevered, however, waiting. For in their dying king’s last words was recorded the Legend. A Legend that promised their triumph over Evil when the baby prince became a full grown, powerful witch and returned to their island a king. . . .

May 1692

Princess Sabrina felt a gentle hand on her shoulder as she knelt before the altar. Rising from her prayers, she turned to face the priest.

“You look tired this morning, my lady,” Father Bradford said, his gray eyes wrinkling in concern.

Willing back the memory of her nightmares, she said, “I did not sleep well last night.”

“They are calling you?”

“Their power grows, Father,” she stated flatly. “Time runs short.”

He smiled, making his round face endearingly craggy. “Time is the Lord’s tool, my lady.”

“The king must arrive soon, Father,” Sabrina insisted, then added softly, “if he is to arrive at all.”

Father’s sharp eyes searched her face. “Do you doubt the Legend? Are not the calls of Evil disturbing your sleep, as the Legend foretold?”

“Aye,” Sabrina answered, reaching for an explanation, “but I am just holding on, waiting for a king that I do not even know. Our people deserve better than that. More from me.” Fatigue made her eyes feel gritty. Her patience was thinning with each sleepless night.

His gray eyes took on blue fire. “For eight long years you have ruled well and held this kingdom bound together in the Light. But the true king will return. Our people will not accept him, my lady, if you do not.”

Her patience frayed dangerously. “He is not here now! I will not sit idly by, while the king bides his time before returning to his duty. Witches could die while he waits.”

A brilliant flash burst through the chapel. Lightening streaked in from a window, touching down between the two front pews. The residual aura of white heat rapidly diminished.

Sabrina and Father waited. Lillith, the seer of the kingdom, materialized in the aisle. Her long, light brown hair flowed around her shoulders and brushed the floor where she knelt.

Sabrina’s mouth went dry. Steeling herself, she said, “Rise, Lady Seer, and tell us your tidings.”

Rising with spectral grace, Lillith settled her unnerving gaze on Sabrina. One long arm slid out from the wide cut sleeves of her sky blue gown stamped with icy stars. A rolled scroll appeared in her fist.

Sabrina’s stomach clenched as the seer unrolled the cream colored paper.

“My Lady Princess, the chain of our witches’ history must be broken in order to defeat this Evil we fight. Our returning king cannot die in the coming fight with Evil, as his father did before him.”

Sabrina’s fatigue vanished. Her heart thudded heavily. Duty, she reminded herself. “What prophesy have you?” The demand came out more harshly than she had intended.

A fleeting regret passed over the fine skin of the Lillith’s face just before she dropped her gaze to the scroll. “A death in place of the king’s. That of a powerful witch that holds the heart of a princess.”

“Sweet Merlin.” The shock almost made her forget herself with the need to sit down. Forcing her legs to hold her, she took a death tainted breath. “You are saying that I am to die?”

Monday, April 13th, 2009
Wal Mart Sighting!

Thanks to Erika for taking and sending me this shot of BLOOD MAGIC in Wal Mart!

blood-magic-in-wal-mart

Thank you Erika! You are a Rockin’ Witch! You deserve a cauldron sized Appletini!

And for my weekend story…my youngest son still lives at home.  My older two sons live out on their own.  I asked the older two boys if they’d like to go to Easter dinner at my sister’s house, but they had other plans. That’s fine.  But since I wasn’t going to see them, I only made an Easter basket for my youngest son.  Youngest son is college age, but very excited by his Easter Basket. So excited that the first thing he did was take a picture text of the basket and send it to his two brothers with something like, “Look what I got. Where’s yours?”

My oldest son called me very put out by this. How could I get the youngest and Easter basket and not him? He was laughing and complaining at the same time.

Kids…they never change!

How was your weekend?

Friday, April 10th, 2009
Sweet or Spicy?

For those of you expecting treats for Easter…how to you take your treats?

Sweet?

chocolate_bunny

Or Spicy?

hunk-bunny

I have to tell you…I’m leaning toward the chocolate bunny myself! Solid chocolate…YUM!

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, April 9th, 2009
Calling Dr. Bombay!

dr-bombay107c

Emergency, come right away!

Anyone remember Dr. Bombay from Bewitched?

Remember his dubious cures?

Remember the way he used to chase his nurses?

I think I met Dr. Bombay yesterday! No I’m kidding, sort of.  So for the last week or so, I’ve been having jaw/ear pain on the left side.

First I tried my usual cure–ignoring it. I’m actually very gifted at ignoring what I don’t want to deal with!

samgreenstripeBut after a few nights of waking up at 2am in pain, I was getting a tad cranky.  So I relented and made a doctor appointment. I know it’s probably either a mild ear infection or TMJ, or something like that. Yesterday I went into for the doctor visit. In minutes, I started to feel like Samantha with her weird symptoms.  BEFORE the doctor even came in, I was asked over and over to describe the symptoms.

The nurse leaves, and when she returns,  she’s dragging a machine with a million wires.  It looked like something Dr Bombay used to cure Sam, but it was an actually an EKG machine. They thought I might be having a heart attack.

Okay, okay, I know woman have silent heart attacks, and sometimes jaw pain can be a symptom…but seriously?

It was forty minutes before I ever saw the doctor and another half hour before I got out of there, only to be sent to another town for a full set of x-rays.

The end result? Nothing yet. I’m pretty sure I’m not having a heart attack, and there doesn’t appear to be any infection.  Eventually someone will read the x-rays and call more…or not…who knows.

I think I should have just called Dr. Bombay.

So do you all remember Dr. Bombay? Do you think he could cure my jaw/ear pain? Do you have something we can ask Dr. Bombay to cure?

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009
Is Spanking Romantic?

spanking

Question of the Week…

What do you all think of Spanking in Romances?

I remember a romance I read decades ago where the hero slapped the heroine and I wanted to kill the man then and there. He was huge and hit her hard enough to knock her to the ground. THAT IS NOT A HERO to me.   I can’t remember the title of the book, I probably stopped reading it then and there. That is not sexy, fun or even excusable. It was a historical romance and I realize that “discipline” was more acceptable then, but I don’t want to read in a romance.

kiss-of-a-demon-kingBut, a couple months back, I read KISS OF A DEMON KING By Kresley Cole (love,  love, LOVE her books!) You can click on the link to read an excerpt from the book.

The book had a spanking scene in it that totally worked.  I think the reason it worked was the heroine had tormented the hero and he was paying her back.  It didn’t come across as abusive but as sexy retribution. This heroine was strong in her own right, and the hero and heroine were evenly matched. Yes, the hero was physically stronger, but her heroine had her strengths that evened things out.

Besides, the hero quickly found out the heroine ENJOYED it.

In this book, I think the spanking scene totally worked!

So what do you think? Is Spanking Romantic?

JenniferLyon.com