Jennifer Lyon

Friday, July 24th, 2009
Say Cheese!

TGIF Witches!  It’s the weekend, let’s whip up the Appletinis! and share cheesy pick up lines.  Why? Because I accidentally stumbled onto a website with cheesy pick up lines. I’ll start:

cheese-soul-mates1) I’m new in town, could you give me directions to your apartment?

2) What’s the name of your perfume, Catch of the Day?

3) Baby you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet!

4) Your daddy must have been a baker, because you got a nice set of buns.

5) Baby if you were words on a page, you’d be what they call FINE PRINT!

So do you witches have any cheese to share?

Have a great weekend!

17 comments to “Say Cheese!”

  1. Dawn
    July 24th, 2009 at 7:34 am · Link

    Things that make you go, “Oh puh-LLEEASE.” I’ve never heard those before, Jen. Here’s one another one for you: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together. How ’bout that for cheese?
    Gotta go make brownies and hot fudge now. It’s a girls weekend at my cousin’s cottage and I feel the need for hot fudge brownie sundaes. Jen, sorry if reading this adds pounds :) Hope everyone has a great weekend!

  2. Ban
    July 24th, 2009 at 7:37 am · Link

    Are you from Tennessee ’cause you’re the only ten I see ? Don’t worry, I’ve got more … :)

  3. Erika
    July 24th, 2009 at 9:17 am · Link

    You’re eyes are bluer than the Atlantic ocean and baby, I’m all lost at sea.

    You’re like a dictionary – you add meaning to my life!

    You’re so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.

    *giggle* plastic in my underwear!

  4. Silver James
    July 24th, 2009 at 10:28 am · Link

    OH no! I had a writer’s prompt last month involving a cheesy pick-up line and a bet. I used a whole bunch. I can’t help myself. I’m going to post the whole thing here. Can you find the cheese?

    Ladies Night. Like shooting fish in a barrel. Missy Spurlock perched at a table surrounded by her sorority sisters. Little Texas girls wanted to grow up to be Missy. Perfect blond hair, perfect skin–she was perfectly perky. Homecoming queen, fraternity sweetheart, cheerleader. As the lone brunette in a land of big-haired blonds and bigger boobs, I hated her guts. She could work her way through a crowd of men like a starving chipmunk looking for Magic Nut Dust(tm). It didn’t matter what she said, men always rose to the occasion. She should have been arrested for some of her lines, like the time she walked up to the pimply-faced ROTC kid. “Hey, honey,” Missy purred. “I’m patriotic. I’ll just throw a flag over your face and do it for Old Glory.” The kid left with her. Go figure. Then there was the science geek. “You may not be the best looking guy here, but don’t worry, I know where the light switch is.” He must have watched Revenge of the Nerds because she actually dated him awhile. My room was next door to hers. I know for a fact he wasn’t tutoring her in calculus. She waved me over. Like an idiot, I went. Hey, we were sisters of Gamma Alpha Lambda after all. Missy flashed me a cat-and-cream smile.

    “Hey, Sade. I lost my virginity, can I borrow yours?”

    I got points for not bitch-slapping her.

    One of the sisters leaned close. “Want in on the bet?” She mistook my arched eyebrow for interest and explained.

    It was a sucker bet and I knew it. Even so, I found the fish I wanted to shoot. “I have a hundred that says Missy can’t pick up the guy at the end of the bar.” Five heads swiveled. He was a great looking guy. Chiseled. Rugged. Hard bodied.

    Missy was already tasting the canary when she smiled. “You’re on. What’s the pick-up line?”

    I whispered in her ear. She giggled–the cheerleader giggle that always grates on my last nerve. Missy bounced down the bar. Literally. Her sweater looked like two balloons on a windy day. Every male eye in the place swiveled like Missy’s hips to watch her progress.

    She brushed her chest against the guy’s arm and simpered. “Just call me milk. I’ll do your body good.” She batted her lashes and licked her lips.

    His head turned and I could almost hear the bones grinding in his neck. He stared long enough Missy licked her lips again, nervously this time. He pushed back from the bar–way back since he stood almost seven feet tall.

    “I don’t drink milk.” His voice sounded like ground granite.

    She flounced back and threw her money on the table. I tucked the crisp one-hundred dollar bill in my pocket. For the first time since the age of fourteen, I was glad to see Roman. Gotta love a gargoyle when he comes slumming with the mundanes.

  5. Jen Lyon
    July 24th, 2009 at 10:29 am · Link

    Dawn, I want those brownies and hot fudge! Why do you do this to me???? Oh man!

    Nice cheese, by the way :-)

  6. Jen Lyon
    July 24th, 2009 at 10:30 am · Link

    Ban, SNORT! That’s pretty cheesy!

  7. Jen Lyon
    July 24th, 2009 at 10:31 am · Link

    Erika, OMG! Plastic in my underwear? I’m going to ponder that one all day! I believe that one calls for one of Silver’s giggle-snorts!

  8. Jen Lyon
    July 24th, 2009 at 10:35 am · Link

    Silver, LMAO!!! Too funny. You win a prize for that much cheese in one place! Loved the “points for not bitch slapping her” line!

    Now I want to meet this Gargoyle :-)

  9. Dawn
    July 24th, 2009 at 11:22 am · Link

    Jen, thought of a couple more while the brownies were baking.

    You look cold. Want to use me as your blanket?

    I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?

    Silver, I love it! Loved the same line as Jen. As a brunette often ignored for the big-haired, bigger boobed, blonde bimbos, I can relate.

  10. Jen Lyon
    July 24th, 2009 at 12:23 pm · Link

    Dawn, I bet the brownies smell so good!

    Love the blanket line! The phone number one would make me laugh–becasue yes, I am that easy ;-)

  11. Ban
    July 24th, 2009 at 12:51 pm · Link

    ok – here goes: I’m gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there.
    and another for good measure: Your place or mine? Tell you what? I’ll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.
    Gosh I feel so dirty !
    I may not like chocolate but I wouldn’t mind a brownie !
    Oh and Silver, very smooth ;) (also ignored for the big boobed blondes)

  12. Jen Lyon
    July 24th, 2009 at 1:37 pm · Link

    Ban, the first one made me snort coffee! (It’s too hot to drink coffee anyway!)

  13. Jane
    July 24th, 2009 at 2:50 pm · Link

    “I’m like American Express, don’t go home without me.”

  14. Erika
    July 24th, 2009 at 3:33 pm · Link

    Jane, too funny! ROFL!

  15. Jen Lyon
    July 24th, 2009 at 5:34 pm · Link

    Jane, that one is priceless!

  16. Dawn
    July 24th, 2009 at 8:14 pm · Link

    Jen, you’re right; the brownies did smell good. I just finished the hot fudge and talk about smelling good! Mmmmm. I’d send you some but I don’t think they’d survive the trip :( And in answer to your earlier question, cuz I’m an evil witch, that’s why *evil grin* Now I have to go work on my spell to make women all over the world fatter than me :D

  17. Jen Lyon
    July 24th, 2009 at 9:28 pm · Link

    Dawn, your evil plan is working! I’m getting fatter :-) Go forth and fatten the hordes so I won’t feel so bad!

    Bummer on the brownies. Although I do love to bake…I’m just trying not to!

Comments are closed.