Want to know what life with a retired Wizard and a working Witch is like?
Okay I’ve probably said this before, we don’t really fight over big issues. We never have. I know, people find this crazy because we are both very strong willed and opinionated. This is true, and while we both like to be in control, we don’t need to control each other’s actions. We trust one another, and that goes a long way. Plus on the big issues like money and how to raise the kids, we agree.
But Wizard and I can bicker…over things like the shopping cart and chocolate chips.
See, once Wizard retired, he decided he had to “help” me grocery shop. The first day he went with me, he claimed the grocery cart as his domain. I am not allowed to touch the cart. I may put things in it, but once my back is turned, he rearranges things to their proper order.
Well that’s because he’s an accountant and he likes order, right?
Um, no. In my humble opinion, I arrange the cart in a much more organized manner. No, Wizard is doing it so that he can toss in things and I won’t notice. Pudding cups, licorice, mixed nuts suddenly end up on the conveyor belt when we’re checking out. So it’s become a game to see if I can catch him. Mostly I ignore it. He’s amusing himself, and if he wants to buy a treat, who am I to stop him?
It was all good, I honestly don’t care. At least not UNTIL HE MOVED MY CHOCOLATE CHIPS. I found the bag I wanted and put them on the top of the cart by the eggs and other perishable, fragile items.
When I turned my back, he tossed them down on the meat. ON THE MEAT, PEOPLE! My chocolate chips, which must never ever touch icky stuff like meat, have been thrown down on top of …horrors…meat! I risked life and limb by touching the cart and moving them to their proper spot. I glared at him. “Chocolate chips are delicate and go here. Chocolate cannot touch water. Or MEAT!!”
He did that I married a crazy woman look and said very slowly, “They are sealed. It makes no difference.” Then he tossed them onto the frozen foods. FROZEN!!!
Unable to believe this travesty, I grabbed the bag and held it up. “You can’t shock chocolate with sudden temperature changes!” I put them back in their proper spot and in my pissed off mom voice said, “Do it again. I dare you. Move the chocolate.”
Have you all ever seen a shark smile? Because I’m telling you, that’s what Wizard did. Then he said, “Go ahead, Witch, finish shopping. I’m right behind you, pushing the cart.”
I spent the next two aisles, spinning around, trying to catch him moving the chocolate. By the third time I turned, we both burst into laughter that got worse until we finally checked out and escaped.
I didn’t find the pudding cups he’d slipped into the cart until we got home and I was putting away the groceries… My beloved chocolate chips were a red herring the whole time!
The moral of this story is Wizard might have retired from his high stress job, but he’s still crafty as hell. And pretty funny too.
So this weekend, I’m not sure what my plans are yet. What about you?
August 14th, 2015 at 6:20 am · Link
ROFLMAO… That’s awesome. These make me wish we lived close so we could hang out and junk. You two sound like a hoot.
You’re way braver than I am. I don’t grocery shop with Hubs. Which is easy because after all those years in the public eye, he’d rather stay home anyway. When we do go places together, we have fun, but groceries?? Nope. My domain. He can carry the bags when I get home. He can even unpack them and be surprised. But actual shopping? Like once or twice a year. Maybe.
Plans? Well, since I’m done with Wish, I’m spending some time reading. Yes, Caged Magic does totally rock. But since I’m on a schedule, I have to get back to work this weekend – editing Bloodflow. September is for new words. Yay!
August 14th, 2015 at 8:57 am · Link
*gigglesnort* Ahhh, kids. You two crack me up. I let LG drive the cart when he goes with me, but that’s so he’ll lean on it and I can make him park at the end of the aisle while I dash halfway, grab what’s on the list, and bring it back. He doesn’t mess with my process, having seen me in action at the Ft. Knox commissary. A new Army wife got educated fast while in line at the commissary. There’s the right way to put items on the conveyor. That is the ONLY way. Thirty years later, I STILL put things on the conveyor belt in that order. My favorite thing about Walmart is the self-check lines. I can do it myself and no one looks funny at me.
And FYI? CHOCOLATE and MEAT DO NOT MIX! *FLAIL* Meat touches nothing but meat. Even packaged sandwich meat. Meat has it’s own bag. It is plastic. And insulated. I can wipe it down with a Clorox wipe. This is law. Give Wiz a message for me: Don’t make me come out there and hurt you!
Have a great weekend, witches!
August 14th, 2015 at 11:45 am · Link
B.E, it’s weird that Wizard likes to go, I really think he sees it as helping. And I don’t mind, where I once felt proprietary over things like that, now I’m just letting it go.
Thank you on Caged Magic
It’s exciting to have some much going on in your career now! I know it’s keeping you super busy, but you’re doing great.
August 14th, 2015 at 11:50 am · Link
Silver, oh yeah, I’ve heard about the military. As I understand it (not having lived it myself) there’s a right and wrong way to do everything
Wizard has gotten a lesson in WHY I’ve come home so frustrated from the store. It’d be awesome if they trained the two year olds how to bag groceries. Some are smart and organized thinkers, and therefore figure it out quickly. Others…not so much.
I shall inform Wizards, LOLOL!! I encase the meat in plastic as well. Nothing will cross contaminate, but I just can’t enduring looking at it touching in the cart.
August 14th, 2015 at 3:57 pm · Link
You two are killing me. It’s like the hubs with me at the store. Same sort of thing ;). You should point out to Wizard that if he messes with your items he many be foregoing cookies ;).
We’re still planning on the family dinner Saturday for my BD but I think youngest will drive. That way hubs is safe and I get to drink ;).
Oh, I just saw your post on Wine Wednesdays and love that you now have Martini Mondays ;).
Have a fantastic weekend!
August 14th, 2015 at 10:33 pm · Link
Happy Birthday, Viki! I hope you have a great time Saturday celebrating, and hubs managed NOT to hurt himself anymore. That poor guy.
I make it sound like Wizard and i drink so much when I’m such a lightweight. But I really want to try their martini flavors. The raspberry lemon one really caught my interest so we’ll see if we get back there.
Can’t wait to hear all about your birthday on Monday!