A few nights ago at dinner, I mentioned to Wizard that I was nearly out of Italian seasoning.
Wizard asked, “What’s that”?
I was surprised as I thought he knew, but I answered, “Dried herbs traditionally used in Italian cooking like oregano and basil mixed together in a bottle.”
He still looked blank with his fork suspended half way between his plate and mouth, so I added, “It’s one of the spices in my spice drawer by the stove. I use it for of pasta sauces, and some chicken and shrimp dishes.”
He nodded, then looked at me seriously, “Witch.”
“What?” I asked.
“Don’t die.” Then he resumed eating.
I cracked up. We are pretty codependent like that. I mean I put gas in a car maybe once a year and that’s just an example. I don’t think Wizard has turned on the oven in this house, although he has run the dishwasher and often does some laundry like the towels he uses to wash the cars. He’s capable of cooking, and he BBQs all the time, but I usually prep the food he grills. On the other hand, he cleans regularly the BBQ and I never have done it myself. We just tend to divide and conquer all life’s tasks and in the decades of marriage, pretty much becoming codependent.
I’m sure some folks would consider that unhealthy. And I fully understand that point of view. I lived the reality of that when I was 13 and witnessed how my own mother struggled when my dad suddenly passed away. However my mom figured it out because that’s what smart, resilient people do. Still, I was determined in the first years of our marriage NOT to become complacent and depend on Wizard too much.
The the years and decades passed. We got busy with real life and kids, and found a way that worked for us that included a method of dividing and conquering life’s tasks.
So sure, sometimes I worry about being so codependent. But most days I’m very grateful I don’t have to put gas in the car
What about you? If you’re in a relationship, are you independent or codependent?