Sunday night, Wizard and I were in the Jacuzzi, and I was showing him how I’ve gotten more flexible by lifting one leg at a time up as high as I could. I suspect this looked better in my head than in reality, but Wizard acted impressed.

I felt something suspicious deep in my right side, but I ignore it. Because, you know, I wanted Wizard to be impressed.

On Monday, I got up from my desk chair and Wizard–who was off work–says, “Why are you limping like that.”

Okay I thought about lying, but lying always turns out to be too much work.  Plus I know he’s getting worried about my arthritis so I have to fess up.  “It’s not my arthritis. I, uh, might have pulled something.”

I had his full attention.  Staring at me, he demands, “Pulled something where?”

I poured my coffee and muttered, “My right hip.”

“How…oh!” He starts to laugh. Catching his breath, he says,  “You pulled your hip showing off in the Jacuzzi!” Then he ROARS with laughter.

So glad I can amuse him. Seriously. It just makes my day.  But damn it, he’s right! I was showing off. All smug and proud because he’s not that flexible. Stupid Karma.

I didn’t get called into Jury Duty today.  So I’m going to plant flowers! Right after I go grocery shopping, I’m going to head down to Home Depot and pick out some flower and plant them.

All by myself.

I told Wizard my plan. His response was:

“You? By yourself? No magic? No help?”

Me,  “Hey!I can buy and plant flowers, I’ve done it before.”

Smirking, Wizard asked, “When was the last time you planted flowers without my help?”

Frowning, I thought about it.  “I don’t know, maybe last time you were in England?”

Raised eyebrows. “That was like five years ago. Wasn’t that the year they all died?”

Had they died? I didn’t remember. “You’re lying!” Cause he does lie just to torment me.

He grinned. “You realize you will have to dig in the dirt.” He paused dramatically and added,  “There might be worms.”

Trying not to gag, I said, “I’m not afraid of worms.” As long as they don’t touch me. And damn it, did he have to say worms while I’m cooking spaghetti?

“Right. Sure. I believe you, Witch. So you’re really going to do this? By yourself?”

What choice do I have now? “Oh yeah, I’m doing this. And you’d better be impressed when you get home. You hear me, Wizard? No helpful suggestions or critiques. You. Will. Be. Impressed.” Oh yeah, I am that tough.

He grinned. “Impressed. Entertained. It’s all the same to me, Witch.” He laughed and walked out.

I’m so going to buy and plant those flowers. And they will live. Hmm, maybe I should buy fake flowers instead?

Wizard cracks himself up all the time.  One of his favorite jokes when I ask him to take out the trash is to say, “I took you out last week.”  And then laughs.

So yesterday we were emailing, and this is actual text I copied and pasted:

Me: Blue trashcan keeps blowing over, I trudge out and pick it up…hoping it’ll be upright when the last trash truck comes by.

Wizard: Why don’t you just stand by the trash can until they come?

Me:  But…what if they think I’m trash and take me away?

Wizard: Then I wont have to take the trash out anymore!

Wizard hid my Kindle from me! I walked into the family room,  and it was GONE!

But of course, I handled it with grace and maturity.  I looked at Wizard and  said, “GIVE IT BACK!”

“What?” He looks up at me from where he’s sitting all smug.

“My Kindle! I want it now!”  (uhh, yeah, super mature!)

“Did you lose it? Then he LAUGHED!

And just as I was ready to zap a beehive onto his lap, he relented and gave me a hint.  “Think Witch, what  did you just yell at me about?”

I was really considering that beehive. “My kindle! You stole it!”

“Before that,” he says all calm and reasonable.

I thought…. “I told you to stay out of the fruit snacks…oh!” I ran to the cupboard and found my Kindle next to the snacks.  I grabbed up my Kindle, hugged it and did a happy dance.  “All this because I told you to stay out of the fruit snacks?” He would hold my Kindle hostage? What kind of man does that?

“Nah…I was just bored. There’s nothing on TV. And you’re entertaining as  hell when you have a hissy fit.”

Sigh. So how was your weekend?

We had a great Christmas, and I got a Kindle! I’ve only downloaded two books so far, and lots of sample chapters.

I also got a cold, a weird one. I had something all last week, kind of a sore throat and mild stuffiness. Then the day after Christmas, it exploded into a full-blown, miserable cold. My immune system apparently has been on vacation since about August.  I hope none of you are sick!

Wizard and I saw two movies; HOW DO YOU KNOW which I found boring. And LITTLE FOCKERS, which had some amusing parts but seemed a little slow. But I was pretty sick so that could have been me.

I read a couple books: I finished Eve Silver’s SINS OF THE HEART and really loved it.  Then I read Pamela Palmer’s RAPTURE UNTAMED. That one started out a bit slow for me, but once I caught onto her world (because of course, the book I read is  in the middle of the series) I liked it. After that I read Lynsay Sands HUNGRY FOR YOU.  People love, love, LOVE her. I’ve read a couple of her books now and don’t feel quite that level of passion

Now don’t kill me, but I tried a Lee Child book GONE TOMORROW and gave up half way through. But I think that’s because I was getting sick, I was dead tired, and I got my new Kindle and wanted to play with it. I’ll go back and finish the book when I’m not distracted and I bet I enjoy it then. I generally like his writing.

On my Kindle, I read Shiloh Walker’s, BEG ME, an erotic novella with a not-for-everyone storyline. I was really curious about this book from a review I’d read on Smexy.  I read it straight through, found it enjoyable, but not quite as compelling as Smexy did.   Right now, I’m reading ROOM by Emma Donoghue. This book is really different, told from a five year old’s perspective, and so far, I’m very intrigued.

Wow, I’ve gone on enough! So how was your holiday? Seen any moives? Read any books?

I’ll be hit and miss this week, but will be back to regular posting next Tuesday at the latest.

One of Wizard’s favorite TV shows right now is RULES OF ENGAGEMENT. He says that we are like the lead characters Jeff and Audrey.  He says this like it’s a compliment to us.

I roll my eyes.

Wizard defends himself. “No really, you’re witty like Audrey on the show.”

Okay, now this is TOO easy. Wizard just set a trap from himself. “But do I LOOK like her?”

Wizard is standing in front of the fireplace looking at a magazine or something while we’re talking.  He looks up in wide eyed panic. “You’re funny! She’s funny! See the resemblance?”

I narrow my eyes at the evasive desperation in his voice and go for the kill.  “But am I as hot as her?”

The light finally dawns. “That was a trap!”

I laugh.  “Jeff would have seen that trap coming. You’re slipping, Wizard.”  And I walk away, all smug and stuff except…

He could have LIED and said I was as hot or hotter.  Damn it, now Wizard is ruining my smug moment! So not fair!

So what TV show resembles you?

We should do something about Mondays.  I already know that today is going to be a challenge.

This was me, on my birthday last week…

Sure I have thick legs and pool hair ( you probably can see how wavy/funky it really is). But I apprear semi-normal, yes?

This is me after dealing with computer problems Sunday, and knowing I have to call MacAfee today…

Sigh.  Monday’s suck.

Other than that,  my weekend has been pretty good.  I’ve gotten started on my revisions for Key’s book  SINFUL MAGIC. For a week, I’ve sort of been frozen, not sure how to begin, but I finally slapped myself (Wizard volunteered for the job of slapping me, but I turned him down)  and got to work.

And speaking of Wizard, he is still coming up with possible Alternate Endings from my latest Dumb Witch Story of going in the wrong restroom.  One of his favorites is seeing my picture flashed on America’s Most Wanted.  Every night he treats me to a new scenario. And much laughter. At my expense.

So how was your weekend?